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Bizarre News - September 27, 2014
Greetings fellow Bizarros:I happen to know for a fact that turtles are not illegal in Canada (or the United States), so I am not sure what the advantage of smuggling them across the border might be... which is what makes this story particularly bizarre.
It seems a Canadian was caught at the border with 51 live turtles stuffed down his pants. His is now facing charges in the U.S. over an alleged reptile smuggling operation.
The U.S. federal court documents show officers with the Canada Border Services Agency intercepted Kai Xu as he attempted to cross into Windsor, Ont., from Detroit last month (apparently a hotbed of turtle smuggling).
"During the secondary inspection, Xu was found to have 51 live turtles taped to his person," Kenneth Adams, a special agent with U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, stated in an affidavit.
"Specifically, Xu had 41 turtles taped to his legs and 10 hidden between his legs."
Canadian authorities seized the turtles, which included North American varieties such as eastern box turtles, red-eared sliders and diamondback terrapins - some of which sell for $800 each - and turned them over to American officials.
And this isn't even the first time Xu has been caught with contraband reptiles. It is speculated that the cache was headed for China where turtles are apparently prized as food or pets.
Bizarrely,
Lewis P.S. Did you miss an issue? You can read every issue from the Gophercentral library of newsletters on our exhaustive archives page. Thousands of issues, all of your favorite publications in chronological order. You can read AND comment. Just click
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Email Lewis*-- Drunken churchgoer allegedly bathed in holy water --*HAMILTON, Ontario (UPI) - A Canadian man accused of drunkenly vandalizing a church and washing himself in holy water was arrested while shirtless on the ground, police said. Police said the man and a woman entered St. Mary's Roman Catholic Church in Hamilton, Ontario, and the visibly intoxicated couple made a drunken scene. Police said the couple loudly used profanity and the 26-year-old man washed himself in a large holy water bath before they were scolded by a female church member who was inside the building at the time. The couple left, but the man returned a short time later without a shirt, police said. He allegedly poured wine on a rag and unsuccessfully attempted to ignite it before throwing communion bread all over the facility and allegedly stealing a rosary. The man was again escorted out of the church by the female member, who called police. Officers found the man on the ground outside the church, shirtless and wearing the stolen rosary. Police said the man was "in an intoxicated state." The man was charged with mischief, arson, damage to property, two counts of failing to comply with his probation, theft and possession of stolen goods.
*-- Chinese students get exam points when parents give blood --*JINHUA, China (UPI) - A Chinese county is offering high school entrance exam bonus points to students whose parents donate more than a gallon of blood. The Pujiang county government issued a directive this year stating the children of blood donors who reach the 1 gallon mark will receive a bonus point on their high school entrance exams, and the total goes up to two points for those whose parents donate 1.5 gallons and three points for children of 2-gallon donors. The Qianjiang Evening News said it would take about five years for an adult who donates blood twice a year to reach the 1 gallon mark. The county government is also offering blood donors incentives including reimbursement for medical bills, free rides on public transportation and cash payouts. The policy was publicized when a 28-year-old man on social media site Weibo celebrated reaching the 1 gallon mark. "Because of this policy, I [donated so much blood that I] have put my life at risk! [I] want to tell my future son: No worries with the high school entrance exams, Dad has already got you bonus marks!" the man posted.
*-- READER COMMENTS --*Hi Lewis, I guess that gal never hung out with geeks who lusted after the 3 breasted hooker in Total Recall, or she would have considered some other surgery to repulse men.
3 boobs? Like the gal in Schwarzenegger's Total Recall? Sweet. Wouldn't make here unattractive to me. -Marty
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My point exactly.]
Hey, Lewis, nice to see a reference to The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy in your newsletter. Not everyone would get the Eccentrica Gallumbits reference. I already liked you, but now that I know you are a fellow Hitchhiker's fan, I like you even more. -Chris
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Her erogenous zones supposedly began 5 miles from her actual body.]
According to TMZ the boobs are a prosthetic that was discovered in her luggage that had been stolen at the airport. You might want to look that up.
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Yeah, something told me the story was too good to be true. But you just wait, it will happen eventually somewhere - my guess is Mexico.]
Lewis; I think three boobs is udderly ridiculous. If she wanted to make herself unattractive to men then she accomplished her goal, I've seen her picture she looks like she has a goat's udder. -Wes
Maybe it's just me, but to be able to arrest someone before they've committed a crime, doesn't seem right. They actually STOPPED him from doing crime, which is a good thing, but if they can arrest people before they commit a crime, how long until they arrest you for thinking about committing a crime? I know, they already can if it's the presidork of the United States, and I know they will start arresting us any day but, hey, I stand by what I think! -Patty
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It's a brave new world, Patty.]
*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --****Missed an Issue? Visit the Bizarre News ArchivesWell, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: LEWIS