Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

This isn't the first time a story about people having sex with animals has popped up recently, and I have to admit it's pissing me off. Back in college I couldn't get laid for love or money (of course, I didn't have any money) but these days apparently women are so desperate they can't wait to throw a dog a bone...so to speak.

On the other hand, these people aren't the sharpest tools in the shed.

A Fort Bragg soldier and his wife are accused of engaging in sex acts with dogs. The local news reported Ruben James and Amber Nicole were arrested and charged with multiple counts of crimes against nature involving bestiality, disseminating obscene materials and conspiracy.

How did the authorities come to discover these crimes, you might be asking yourself. It turns out Ruben and Amber recorded the escapades and posted the videos on the Internet.

There's good thinking.

Officers seized two mixed-breed dogs and three cats from the couple's home just south of the sprawling U.S. Army base in North Carolina and placed them in the care of a local shelter.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

Questions? Comments? Email Lewis


*-- Dog accidentally shoots owner, 78, in Fort Worth, Texas --*
FORT WORTH, Texas - A Fort Worth, Texas woman, 78, was shot in the foot when her shotgun discharged after her dog walked past it and knocked it over, police said. The unidentified woman told police she was watching television in her home Saturday night with the shotgun by her side, and it fired when the dog bumped it. She sought treatment for her injured left foot the following morning, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram reported Monday. "The victim advised it was an accident and the dog was not to blame," said officer Sharron Neal, a police spokeswoman. Police did not identify the breed of the dog. "He has the right to remain silent," Neal said.


*-- Beavers' secretions can create taste similar to vanilla in baked goods --*
STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Anal secretions from beavers can be used in baked goods to create a taste that resembles vanilla, The Swedish National Food Agency said. The agency confirmed the use of the anal passages after rumors about the beaver's secretions circulated on the Internet, The Local.se reported. "Natural aromas can be extracts from plants, fungi, and in some cases animals." Ulla Beckman Sundh, an agency representative reported. But she said the beaver will likely not become a common source of vanilla, as the supply is limited because the beaver is not bred. Beavers were wiped out in Sweden in the 19th century, but the population has grown to 100,000 after the animal was imported, The Local.se said.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Really sad about that guy who brands his girlfriend. I guess he never heard of matrimony or marriage? -Amanda
[I don't see how those two are even remotely related.]

Lewis, Did you know another name for a Derringer is the muff pistol'? But that's another column entirely.
[That's funny; "Muff Pistol" used to be the nickname for my...you know what...never mind.]

Hey Lewis. I noticed that some guy who couldn't find it within himself to even sign a first name to his comment referred to liberals as sissies in a comment on gun control. Well you know what, I'm a union guy who always votes Democrat, mostly because the Republicans never fail to try and stick it to unions. And I'd just love for that dude to come tell the guys at my local what sissies we are. We'd school him. -Craig
[Why? Do you belong to the teacher's union?]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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Send comments and questions to: LEWIS