Bizarre News - June 3, 2015

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

There are lots of different ways to commit suicide. I'm married, I've thought about many of them. But probably one of the worst was attempted by a Welsh skateboarder and professional douchebag named Matt Pritchard.

Mr. Pritchard is part of a prank and stunt show called Dirty Sanchez. Think of it as a British version of Jackass. You can't expect a lot of discretion from a man who gets punched, stabbed and mutilated for a living, but what he did on a private jet flight from Amsterdam to Nevada bordered on suicidal.

After mixing prescription drugs with alcohol he proceeded to strip naked and urinate on fellow passenger Dolph Lundgren.

In case you are not familiar with him: Dolph Lundgren is a 6-foot, 5-inch, 250 pound robot built in Sweden in 1957 who holds a master's degree in chemical engineering and a 3rd degree black belt in Karate.

He has beaten up the likes of Sylvester Stallone, Brandon Lee and Skeletor on the big screen as well as a number of real people in martial arts competitions.

You almost could not pick a worse person to pee on unless you found a Navy SEAL in the middle of a live fire exercise.

But, that is exactly what Mr. Pritchard did.

Instead of the flight crew having to remove him from the plane with a mop and several large trash bags, Pritchard apologized to Lundgren who actually shook his hand and told him not to worry about it.

I personally would think you would have better odds playing Russian Roulette with a semi-automatic pistol.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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Questions? Comments? Email: lewis@gophercentral.com

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* Driving Under The Influence of Whipped Cream? *
A woman was charged with driving under the influence after consuming whipped cream. Police said that 28-year-old Anna Thomas of Franklin, Tennessee, used cans of aerosol whipped cream to get high. She was charged with driving under the influence after crashing her car. When police arrived, Thomas was disoriented. Officers found 13 cans of whipped cream scattered inside the vehicle. Almost all of the bottles were empty. No pie was discovered.



*-------- Electroshock Therapy On The Go --------*
This sounds perfectly safe. A newly-released headset hopes to wake people up or calm them down by manipulating the electricity in their brain. The 'Thync' costs $299 and has just been released to the public. It provides "calm or energy on demand", the company says, by using "neurosignalling" to activate nerves and change people's state of mind. It is a small, white plastic triangle that you tape to your forehead. Then you control it with your phone to send special zaps that either wake you up or calm you down. If you thought texting while driving was bad...wait until you accidentally send a 'zap' to your brain while you're on the expressway. In addition to "calm" and "energy on demand" there is also a setting for "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest".



*--------------- READER COMMENTS ----------------*
Lewis, did you see this one; "Woman in Birmingham jailed after making 'loud sex noises'" Thanks for keeping me smiling on a regular basis. Regards, Hal


Lewis; It's a pretty slow day in police work when someone has to be assigned to interrogate that pigeon. Suppose they really have someone who can speak pigeonese? Pigeons are some real dangerous creatures. They had better be careful because I'm sure there are far more roaches and rats crossing the border in that area. Police work is hell isn't it? -Wes
[It couldn't have been too hard. They were probably speaking a pigeon pidgin.]


This guy's a bit of a fruitcake. Either that or he's just nuts...lol...LilyKat
"Phil Ferguson will delight you - and maybe even make you a little hungry - with his ongoing series of crocheted head-wear. The Melbourne-based artist fashions larger-than-life food like pizza, avocados, bacon, and eggs into hats and cowls."
[I'd like to see a Spotted Dick or maybe a Tuna Taco.]


*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*