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Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
If you have been reading or watching any news at all in the
last couple weeks you have noticed an unusual weather related
trend to the stories. Record cold temperatures, record snow-
falls, cold related deaths, frozen crops, severe weather.
This is odd when compared to what half of the climatologists
in the world have been predicting for the last ten years,
namely global warming. But it begins to make a bizarre sort
of sense when you consider it in conjunction with the unex-
plained light display that occurred in the skies above Norway
December of last year.
For days there was speculation as to what caused that bizarre
spiral light in the sky, with no official explanation being
given. Only after three days did the Russians come forward
and claim that an experimental missile had been tested in
the area and blew up in flight.
The media may have bought that story, but thinking people,
or anybody who has ever seen pictures or video of exploding
rockets, have their suspicions.
The story starts to make more sinister sense when you learn
that a massive Partial Reflection Medium-Frequency Atmospheric
Radar Facility is located in Ramfjordmoen, Norway, operated
by European Incoherent Scatter Facility (EISCAT).
This facility is ostensibly for atmospheric research, but
the United States' own High Frequency Active Auroral Research
Program (located in Alaska) has demonstrated that high energy
beams shot into the upper atmosphere can literally "punch"
holes in the protective layer surrounding the planet. Could
such holes dramatically effect weather patterns around the
world? Could it be a weather weapon disguised as benign
research?
Certain international newspapers have finally picked up the
story, demanding that the United States admit to its involve-
ment and cease experimenting with the atmosphere and global
weather patterns. Could we actually be on the brink of a new,
man-made ice age?
Bizarrely,
Lewis
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new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here...
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+----------------- Bizarre Warning Labels -----------------+
"This product not intended for use as a dental drill." -
Found on an electric rotary tool.
"Caution: Do not spray in eyes." - Found on a can of under-
arm deoderant.
"Do not drive with sunshield in place." - Found on a card-
board sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard.
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." - Found on a pack-
age of airline peanuts.
"Not intended for highway use." - Found on a 13-inch wheel
for a wheelbarrow.
"Kills all kinds of insects. Warning: This spray is harmful
to bees." - Found on a can of insecticide.
"WARNING: Contents flammable." - Found on a container of
lighter fluid.
"Do not use orally." - Found on a toilet-bowl cleaning
brush.
"Please keep out of children." - Found on a butcher knife.
"Warning: Do not use on eyes." - Found in the manual for a
heated seat cushion.
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-------- Boy, 3, rides bag belt at Danish airport ---------
COPENHAGEN, Denmark - Officials at a Denmark airport
said a 3-year-old boy rode the entirety of the baggage
belt system, including an X-ray machine. Copenhagen
Airport workers said the young boy hoisted himself onto
an unattended baggage belt while he and his mother were
checking in for an early Thursday flight, The Copenhagen
Post reported Monday. The X-ray directed the boy to an
area for bags that needed to be handled manually because
an identification tag was not detected. An airport worker
heard the boy calling out from the area and he was rescued
and reunited with his mother. Officials said the boy
seemed shaken but unharmed. He was believed to have board-
ed the plane with his mother as planned.
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------------ 70 ride Dallas trains sans pants --------------
DALLAS - Organizers of a pantless ride on the Dallas
public train system said about 70 people turned out to
drop their trousers in the cold and ride the rails. Brian
Alguire and Chris Linville, organizers of Sunday's no-
pants ride, said the event marked the first time Dallas
Area Rapid Transit riders participated in what has become
an annual tradition in many cities, The Dallas Morning
News reported. The organizers said most of the participants
were in their 20s but nearly every age group was represent-
ed. The pair gave only vague reasons for organizing the
unsanctioned event. "Why not? I didn't have anything better
to do today," Alguire said. Participants offered similar
reasons for coming out in the cold and shedding their
pants. "I'm a lifelong nudist. I usually stay in a warm
place when being nude, though," said Ashley Ross, 19.
------------------------------------------------------------
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Things I learned tonight: 1) How not to start a gas fireplace.
2) How to create a giant fireball in one's living room. 3)
How to lose a good part of one's eyelashes and eyebrows. Not
story relevant, but just saying. I'm a bizarre news story in
and of myself. -TJ
[Who knows, you may have just saved a Bizarre News reader's
eyebrows!]
Lewis, regarding the 91 year old who crashed into the
restaurant, it's no surprise. Florida has no rules whatsoever
about license renewal beyond paying the fee. So no matter how
old you get, no matter how bad your eyesight or judgment, you
get a license in perpetuity. Believe me, this makes driving in
Florida a life-threatening quest every single time you hit the
streets. There was one elderly lady who took out three cars
and put herself in a coma for a few weeks because she couldn't
get an opening to turn onto the street she wanted, so she
finally decided the thing to do was just "close my eyes and
go." Fun! -Lisa
a simple solution would have been to pack the pecker and pipe
in ice water. did you ever notice how hard it is to grab
your pecker when you try to pee in a snowbank it shrivels to
nearly nothing. -Walt
[The medical world needs advice like this. You could save a
lot of people a lot of unnecessary pain.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: mailto:lewis@gophercentral.com
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