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Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
Christmas isn't coming for thousands of recreational drug
enthusiasts who won't be getting Chinese bongs under their
trees this year.
Customs officials at Los Angeles Harbor said a shipment of
cargo labeled as Christmas ornaments was actually bongs,
pipes and other drug paraphernalia.
The shipment of almost 860 boxes from China arrived about a
month ago, addressed to a recipient in Los Angeles County,
but was seized immediately.
U.S. Customs and Border Protection spokeswoman Cristina
Gamez said agents found 316,000 bongs and pipes, worth an
estimated $2.6 million.
"They're very colorful and big," Gamez said. "Some of them
are like 2 feet tall."
Importing or exporting drug paraphernalia is illegal in the
United States. Which means the entire shipment is going to
be destroyed.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
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+------------------ Bizarre Resumes -------------------+
HOW NOT TO WRITE A RESUME. These excerpts were compiled
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"Was met with a string of broken promises and lies, as
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"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and
my employer does not know I am looking for another job."
"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."
"Physical disabilities include minor allergies to house
cats and Mongolian sheep."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest
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"They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45
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"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
"Work Experience: Dealing with customer conflicts that
arouse."
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--------- Police: Attempted robber was too quiet ---------
DELTONA, Fla. - Authorities in Florida said they arrested
a man whose whispered demands for money went unanswered at
a Deltona store. Volusia County sheriff's deputies said
Carlie McDuffie, 24, walked into a Family Dollar store and
told an employee to hand over money from the register in
a quiet voice that the clerk either didn't hear or didn't
understand, the Orlando Sentinel reported. Sheriff's
spokesman Brandon Haught said the 34-year-old clerk asked
McDuffie what he needed and the suspect repeated the
demand in the same whispered tone. The clerk again asked
what he needed, and McDuffie said "forget it" and left
the store, Haught said. The spokesman said the clerk soon
realized what had happened and called 911. McDuffie was
arrested less than 30 minutes later and charged with
attempted robbery and resisting arrest without violence.
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--------- Strange items left on London transport ----------
LONDON - Transport for London's lost property office,
which turns 75 this year, has dealt with unusual items
including breast implants and bull sperm. The office,
which attempts to reconnect property owners with items
left on buses, trains and trams, said some of the oddest
items to pass its doors include a jar of bull sperm, a
theatrical coffin, breast implants and a 14-foot-long
boat, The Times of London reported Thursday. The items,
revealed in "The Book of Lists: London," also include a
vasectomy kit, a garden slide, an urn of ashes and two
human skulls. Lost property office officials said they
collected 170,000 items in 2008, including 36,852 books,
28,550 bags and 27,174 articles of clothing.
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
I love all your bizarre stories. They are funny and infor-
mative, I was wondering if you wanted to be pen pals? I'm
sure we have lot's to talk about. I write poetry and
articles. Hopefully we can have a conversation. -Bill
[I already have a stalker, but I appreciate the offer.
Thanks.]
At least a metal fence up the ass will reduce the likelihood
he will ever reproduce.
[Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately) the ass doesn't have
much to do with reproduction.]
Hey Lewis, If you're collecting gong awards, here's a good
one. Last weekend at a Nephew's wedding, one of the grooms-
men got a little drunk and couldn't find his car when he got
out of a bar (this was already after the wedding party).
He reported it stolen...then he discovered it in front of
another drinking establishment a few blocks away. Well, he
neglected to call the cops back. Of course the police did
their job and arrested him thinking he was the car thief...
at least he was cleared of that charge. But now he has the
drunk driving charge to worry about. -Dan
Hi Lewis, Why don't you use your last name? I bought your
book, actually two copies, and was surprised that you don't
use your name even in a professionally published book. What
gives? -Dave
[Statute of limitations.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: mailto:lewis@gophercentral.com
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