Bizarre News - January 14, 2015

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Icicles are dangerous. Anybody can tell you that. They can damage your house. They can drop down from the edge of your roof and puncture your skull! They can throw exciting parties when you're not around and drink all of your booze. Okay, that last one is unlikely, but nobody hates icicles more than one Kentucky man who risked everything in his crusade against the clinging, frozen menace.

Not content to simply knock them down with a broom or a shovel, this unnamed homeowner terminated the icicle menace threatening his house with extreme prejudice. Extreme prejudice and a blow torch.

I think you can guess how this story turns out. Firefighters were called to the home to find smoke pouring from the roof of the home. They were able to extinguished the blaze, but not before the roof and attic, as well as a new addition to the home, were heavily damaged.

The homeowner told fire officials he was worried family members might be injured by icicles hanging from the roof of his home, so he used a blowtorch to melt them...and then promptly left home to run errands.

"He was concerned about the icicles and the ice causing damage to his home and/or anybody walking under it - his kids or anyone - if they fall," said the fire chief. "Obviously, you want to remove them as safely as you can. Breaking them off is what most people do. Choosing to use a torch to melt them, in hindsight, he probably agrees is not the best idea."

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- 'Picked on' fish gets a prosthetic eye --*
VANCOUVER, British Columbia (UPI) - Canada's Vancouver Aquarium said a copper rockfish was outfitted with a prosthetic eye to keep him from being "picked on" by underwater bullies. Aquarium officials said the rockfish had one of his eyes surgically removed two years ago when a case of cataracts failed to heal and he has lately been acting distressed at the bottom of his tank. "Before the prosthetic, he was being hurt and quite uncomfortable because he was picked on," Dr. Martin Haulena, head veterinarian at the aquarium, told Global News. "What's been observed with fish that are missing an eye is other fish take advantage of that ... they kind of go to that blind side, steal food and pick on [them]." "It's a well-known thing that there is natural aggression as different species kind of vie for the best space and habitat they're in, so that kind of aggression is very very normal," he said. The prosthetic was an eye designed for taxidermied fish. Haulena said the surgery is not unheard of at similar facilities but was the first of its kind at the aquarium. "Ever since we put in the prosthetic the fish is right back in the mid-water column, interacting with other fish," the veterinarian said. "He's more robust. Everybody, including the fish, seem a lot happier now." A second rockfish underwent the same procedure and returned to display at the Vancouver International Airport.


*-- Boa constrictor emerges from office toilet in San Diego --*
SAN DIEGO (UPI) - A full-sized boa constrictor slithered out of a toilet at a public relations firm in Southern California last week, according to a press release from the company. When Stephanie Lacsa, co-founder for Vertical PR + Marketing, noticed a higher-than-usual water level in one of the San Diego office building's toilets last Wednesday, she went to work with a plunger. Something then began to emerge from the toilet drain. "I thought my eyes were deceiving me," Lacsa said, according to a statement from the firm published on San Diego Animal Control's Facebook page. "But as soon I saw the flicker of its tongue, I definitely knew that it was in fact a large snake heading straight toward me." The snake was a Colombian Rainbow Boa, a non-venomous constrictor native to South America. At 5-feet long, the boa was at average full-grown length. Lasca said she shrieked and ran from the bathroom, taping up the door until animal control arrived and captured the snake. "The animal control officer said that she had never witnessed anything like this in her career," Lasca said, according to the statement. "She referred to the incident as 'The Stuff of Urban Legends' and I would have to agree." Holly Wells, Lasca's co-worker and the co-founder of Vertical PR + Marketing, noted that the office was very old. "Our building, which is the Old San Diego City Hall, was built in 1886 so we are accustomed to the old pipes and stubborn plumbing," she said, according to the release. "But we were definitely not prepared for this." San Diego Animal Control said Friday in a comment on its Facebook page that the boa was claimed by a friend of the owner, and that its name was "Bella." Boa constrictors are considered an invasive species in places such as Florida, according to the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, where they thrive in the subtropical climate and are mostly introduced through "escape or release by pet owners." While it does not list boa constrictors as one of the state's invasive species, the California Department of Fish and Wildlife notes, "Some of the animals that are currently, or were in the past, brought into California as sources of food, fur, or pets have turned into major pests."


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Lewis, It isn't so much that the Indian public employee was finally fired after 25 years, and that the department has no idea whether he was collecting a paycheck or not (He must have been or else he would have gone back to work!), but the fact same thing happens here on a daily basis. The only difference that in the U.S. it's called welfare, and it's perfectly legal! All the best for 2015, Tom Smith
[Forget welfare. I did a story in Bizarre News a couple years ago about some bureaucrat in Illinois who took a job on some committee or other and promptly disappeared for 18 months while collecting his full pay. I will try and find a link to the story in the archive and print it for you in the next issue.]

Lewis, your comments about the pigs is scaring me...

Great Snatch quote about the pigs. They talk so fast in that movie, but it's well timed and a good one. -Ginny

Okay, so we know the mother was the idiot for leaving her gun (without safety on) in her handbag where her toddler could grab it and shoot her. But who wins the Darwin award if the child had shot you or me or, worse, him or herself. The kid doesn't deserve it whichever way you look at it. So that leaves you or me for shopping at Wal-Mart.
[That wouldn't have anything to do with Darwin or natural selection, that's just plain, old bad luck.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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