Bizarre News - November 1, 2014

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Sometimes you have an itch you just have to scratch. And that is not always a euphemism. Unfortunately for this man, the itch he had was on his testicles. It was unfortunate not just because it is never good to have itchy testicles, but because when you are in your car and trying to scratch them it looks a lot like you are masturbating.

That is what prompted a woman in the same parking lot with this man to call the police.

The woman told Port St. Lucie, Florida police she saw a man in his vehicle "making an up and down motion in the area of his crotch."

The woman didn't see his genitals but believed the man was masturbating.

Now here is where things get bizarre. When police spoke to the man, he explained that he got the urge to scratch his testicles because he has a rash there. When they were disinclined to believe him he pulled up his shorts and popped the boys out, showing the officers the, uhh, affected area.

Police determined the man, who has no criminal history, did not expose himself and found no proof that he was performing lewd acts in public.

Considering that it is almost never a good idea to show the police your genitals, that must have been one blistered bat-wing.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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Questions? Comments? Email Lewis


* Fridge-raiding Teletubbie charged with burglary *
BETHLEHEM, Pa. (UPI) - Police in Pennsylvania said a man who dressed as the yellow Teletubbie and broke into a friend's home for leftover Chinese food has been charged with burglary. Bethlehem police said Lehigh University student Terez Owens Jr., 20, was dressed as Laa-Laa, the yellow Teletubbie, when he allegedly broke into a friend's house about 2 a.m. Sunday and filled his "man purse" with leftover Chinese food from the refrigerator. The door to the residence was damaged during the break-in, police said. Officers caught up to Owens, who police said was dressed up for a nearby Halloween party, shortly after the incident, but he was released when the victim initially declined to press charges. "I guess the victims thought about it and the landlord got involved with the damage," Bethlehem police Chief Mark DiLuzio said. Owens has now been charged with burglary, police said. The chief said the case was unusual for the department. "Not that many Teletubbies get arrested," he said. "You can't make it up."


*- Officer allegedly sought to sniff woman's feet -*
HOUSTON (UPI) - Texas prosecutors said a former school district officer told a woman she could go if she let him smell her feet or handed over her underwear. The Harris County District Attorney's Office said Cy-Fair School District Officer Patrick Quinn, who has since been fired, pulled over a woman at 3 a.m. Aug. 11 for an expired sticker and told her that her vehicle smelled of marijuana. Quinn, who prosecutors said should not have been conducting traffic stops as a school resource officer, claims to have found a marijuana grinder in the woman's car. The woman, who denied ownership of the grinder, told authorities Quinn put her in the back of his patrol car. She said the officer told her she could go free if she allowed him to smell her feet or if she gave him her underwear. Documents filed by prosecutors say Quinn told the woman if she allowed him to smell her feet, "he was probably going to lick them, too." However, Quinn apparently had a change of heart and told the woman to "forget about it," the district attorney's office said. The woman, who Quinn allowed to leave the scene, reported the incident the following day. Her insurance card was found at the scene of the traffic stop and fingerprints on the card matched Quinn, prosecutors said. Quinn was charged with two counts of official oppression.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Lewis, I can't believe you did not pick up on the story of the sicko here in West Virginia who got arrested for having sex with his dog (Charleston Daily Mail 10/24). He told the cops that he thought it was okay because she is 40lbs and spayed. He said he caressed her and told her how much he loved her afterwards. Her name is Piglet (guess you could say he was porking Piglet). I just figure he likes his sex doggy style. Dave
[If I ran with every "man has sex with dog" story that hit the news Bizarre News would end up becoming "Dog 'Lovers' Weekly".]

Hi Lewis, I just read your article about the naked man claiming to be working for Isis and who had raped the pit bull. I had read this article on The Huffington Post and found it very disturbing. The reason I'm emailing you Lewis is because of your comment that you made at the bottom of your article. That if you were going to rape a dog you would pick one a little more docile than a pitbull. That is exactly the kind of ignorant comment that perpetuates the misconception of the pit bull and bully breeds. It is also why cops murder pitbulls in people's yards and shelters kill pitbulls more than any other breed. It is also the kind of ignorant comment that keeps breed specific legislation in towns and counties across this nation and worldwide. I would have expected as a supposed reporter a more informed comment about the wonderful breed of pitbull. I might add I am a proud owner of a pitbull that I rescued from a shelter. I am also an animal advocate. I guess I will be unsubscribing from your newsletter. After all I've had my fill of the discrimination and hatred against pit bulls that I see every single day. And by the way, it is humans that make the breed of pitbull so scary to people Lewis and in case you are unaware of the crime of dog fighting, it is humans who do that to the dogs. Dogs are not born vicious Lewis only snarky reporters who writes for online newsletters are. Respectfully Patty T
[All I was getting at is that some of us have a "type".]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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