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Saturday, December 18, 2010
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
Apparently the holiday season brings the penis out in some
people.
In Wisconsin a postal carrier said he simply wanted to cheer
up a woman on his rounds who seemed "stressed out" so he
decided to deliver her mail naked.
He even told her he was going to do it. As a prank, I suppose.
But whether she took him seriously or not, there was no
doubting his sincerity when he showed up at her office wearing
only a smile and his mail bag.
Those wacky letter carriers.
The 52-year-old was arrested for lewd and lascivious behavior
several days later.
But a much more hilarious situation occurred on a commuter
train in Scarsdale, New York.
A woman named Nicola Briggs was minding her own business on
the train when she noticed a man standing unusually close to
her.
When she looked down she noticed he had his penis out and was
trying to rub it up against her.
Instead of doing what a lot of women would do and just walk
(or run) away, she called him out, loudly, and recruited the
other passengers in the car to make sure he didn't leave
until the police could be called.
In the ensuing minutes every single passenger with a camera
phone was taking video of the dumb bastard. One of the videos
which made it onto youtube more than 800,000 hits before it
was taken down.
51-year-old Queens man, was sentenced to four months in jail
for forcible touching.
But the best part is that the woman was awarded a diamond
necklace from the Professional Women of Westchester organi-
zation for standing up to the pervert.
That's actually not a bad deal. Have a penis rubbed against
your thigh and get a diamond necklace. My wife learned that
lesson a long time ago.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
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------- Skunk stinks up 800 Christmas presents -------
PURCELL, Okla. - An Oklahoma volunteer group said a skunk
got into its storage facility and sprayed nearly 800
presents collected for children in low-income families.
Peggy Christian with McClain County Operation Christmas
said volunteers have been attempting to salvage as many
of the smelly gifts as possible before the planned delivery
run Friday, KOCO-TV, Oklahoma City, reported. "The ones
laying out, they have been sprayed with Febreeze many,
many times," Christian said. Christian said the volunteer
group, which handed out 786 gifts in 2009, is accepting
donations before 5 p.m. Thursday at the Purcell Multi-
Purpose Center and after 5 p.m. at the Purcell Police
Department. Christian told KOTV, Tulsa, Okla., support has
been pouring in from the community since the incident with
the skunk. "I've already had a lot of phone calls. People
here locally that have called and said 'What can we do to
help?'" she said.
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---------- Record set at pie eating contest ----------
WIGAN, England - A British man participating in the World
Pie Eating Championship set a world record by downing a
saucer-sized meat pie in only 23.91 seconds. Organizers
of the competition said Neil Collier, 42, bested the
previous record of 35.86 seconds, set by former champion
Barry Rigby, 37, at Tuesday's contest at Harry's Bar in
Wigan, England, The Guardian reported Wednesday. "He just
seemed to open his throat and down it went," organizer
Tony Callaghan said. "He's from Bolton, mind, which is
crying shame for a Wiganer to have to say, but he's
certainly learned how to eat pies somewhere. Probably in
Wigan." Official Iain Macauley said Collier narrowly avoid-
ed disqualification by starting to eat his pie only a
fraction of a second after the starting signal was given.
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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Lewis; Let McDonalds be forewarned, the lady who created a
disturbance because she didn't get enough hot fudge on her
sundae is just the first in the social upheaval that is
coming if McDonalds doesn't heed the message. "Put enough
hot fudge on the sundaes or suffer the consequences,
McDonalds." I mean, of all that is wrong with this world,
don't you think this should be top priority? We suffer
with you, lady! Everyone needs a cause, lol. -Wes
[If it ends with the dissolution of the corrupt government
I don't care where the revolution starts.]
Lewis, in regards to the Bannock County, Idaho Sheriff who
said, "I can say I shot the sheriff..." after he shot him-
self. Since he didn't finish the line by saying "I did not
shoot the deputy", is it safe to assume that he shot his
deputy too? HAHA! -Steve K. from California
Lewis; Thirty five years ago I worked at the Navy Undersea
Weapons Center. They were training seals to help find sunken
material. They brought in an animal called a stellar seal
and put him in the big tank. The seal weighed in at about a
thousand pounds. When he hit the water all the other seals
came out of the water like they had gotten an electric shock.
It is amazing how far they can jump.
[Well, consider, how far would you jump if I suddenly dropped
a thousand pound woman into your bed?]
Hey Lewis, If you're collecting gong awards, here's a good
one. Last weekend at a Nephew's wedding, one of the grooms-
men got a little drunk and couldn't find his car when he got
out of a bar (this was already after the wedding party).
He reported it stolen...then he discovered it in front of
another drinking establishment a few blocks away. Well, he
neglected to call the cops back. Of course the police did
their job and arrested him thinking he was the car thief...
at least he was cleared of that charge. But now he has the
drunk driving charge to worry about. -Dan
Hi Lewis, Why don't you use your last name? I bought your
book, actually two copies, and was surprised that you don't
use your name even in a professionally published book. What
gives? -Dave
[Statute of limitations.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
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