Bizarre News - May 3, 2014

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

I'd like to think that if I were ever tempted into a life of crime I'd be a little smarter than this Mensa drop-out.

It seems a former guard at a Cripple Creek casino in Colorado figured out a way to skim the place for a staggering $100,000 in cash. The story doesn't say, but we can assume he did this over a period of time.

But I guess the lure of all that cash laying around under his mattress was too much of a temptation. After quitting the casino he casually walked into a Harley Davidson dealership and plopped down $6,000 for a used motorcycle. That is $6,000 in $20 bills.

Investigators into the money leaking out of the casino began to suspect the former guard, who earned a little over a thousand dollars a month, when he spent $35,000 in one month, in cash.

But he wasn't completely unprepared for being caught. He had a story all cooked up. He told investigators the money was from payoffs from Honduran drug dealers.

Nothing suspicious or illegal there.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- 19-year-old takes Granny to prom --*
ROCKFORD, Ohio (UPI) - Nineteen-year-old Austin Dennison asked an older girl to go with him to his senior prom. Much older, in fact, it was his great-grandmother. Austin Dennison said he asked his Granny DD, Delores Dennison, to prom at Parkway High School in Rockford, because she never went to hers, Fox News reported. "I asked her if she would be my prom date," he said. "How cool would it be to take my great-grandmother to prom?" "He was so sweet and adamant about it," Delores, 89, said. "I asked him, 'But are you sure that you wouldn't like to take one of the young ladies who could get out there and do everything with you?' He said no. 'I want you.'" "At first she was a bit resistant," the younger Dennison said. "I assured her I was serious and she finally said yes. It was my privilege to take her." Delores said she had a little trouble finding a suitable dress for the occasion because they were either "too high or too low." The two enjoyed a dinner at her favorite restaurant, Bob Evans, before the dance, and at the event Austin presented his great-grandmother with a pearl necklace. "It was wonderful and I just loved all the girls in their fancy gowns and the gentlemen in their tuxedos. It was quite a night," Delores said. "Everyone there just could not have been more polite. Everyone got an A+."


*-- Omaha man kisses people at Walgreens, licks employee's head before arrest --*
OMAHA (UPI) - A Nebraska man made his way through a Walgreens store in Omaha dispersing pecks and pinching rumps before capping things off by licking an employee's head on his way out. Needless to say, he got arrested. The unnamed 35-year-old man was an equal opportunity creeper, as he reportedly "kissed and groped women and a man" inside the store. After a stop at the photo processing area, the man moved on to aisle nine and "grabbed a customer's buttocks," the Omaha World-Herald reported. He then said, "Hey baby," to a woman and kissed her while grabbing her behind. The man, who was also tossing items off shelves as he made his way through the store, briefly left before coming back and sitting on a counter. As police were taking him out, the man licked an employee's head to say goodbye. He was charged with misdemeanor sexual assault and three counts of disturbing the peace.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
If the Toronto Library banned a book called "Hop On Plop" then I would agree to a ban. The Sliding Pond Bandit would be proud. -Mike

Hi Lewis, I could not sit idly by after reading the comments of Principal Jennifer Sheldon of Monfort Elementary School in Greeley, Colorado concerning the marijuana being "potentially lethal to children." I would like to examine the research she has read that lead her to her belief. From everything I have read, even in the staunchest anti-marijuana literature, never have I seen evidence that it could be deadly. Officials need to stop presenting opinions as facts. -Jim
[What about that instance when 100 pounds of densely packed marijuana dropped on the head of a Mexican smuggler? That was lethal.]

OFGS, Patty! I'm not poisoning your air. I quit cigarettes decades ago and I respect and appreciate laws banning smoking in public places such as restaurants, bars, etc. However I believe that in some places smoking areas with exhaust fans to suck the smoke out of the building could be tolerated. I also believe people should be allowed to do as they please in the privacy of their homes. By the way do you barbecue with charcoals? If so that pollutes the air more than someone smoking a cigarette. Should we now also ban charcoal grills which could also be deadly to those with asthma? Think about that before getting so hostile. -R.S.

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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