Bizarre News - November 7, 2015

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

A local story has been making some national news recently; that of murdered hero and then disgraced police lieutenant Joseph Gliniewicz of Fox Lake, Illinois.

The story first surfaced a couple of months ago. Lt. Gliniewicz reported following three suspicious men on foot, early in the morning at the beginning of his shift. His next and last radio contact was for backup. After that he was found dead, shot twice, once in his ballistic vest and once in his upper chest.

It was immediately assumed to be a murder, and a massive manhunt for the 3 mysterious individuals ensued. It lasted days, but no suspects were ever found.

After that there was a big memorial service, Gliniewicz was lauded as a hero and a pillar of the community with 30 years of service, but soon some suspicious details began to trickle out.

There were emails and text messages hinting at some petty embezzlement. Then the coroner came out and said that the fatal gunshot might have been a suicide. Then, all of a sudden, a flood of information came out. Gliniewicz supposedly had stolen an unspecified amount from the city (estimated to be in the five figures) and blew the money on vacations, gifts, gym memberships, mortgage payments and even adult websites (I thought that last one was a nice touch).

And apparently there were plans to intimidate, harass and frame a village administrator who was trying to investigate the accounts the money was allegedly stolen from.

Then, a small story was published by WGN reporting that Gliniewicz had been asked to help with an internal police investigation of its former chief of police. This after the current police chief asked him to delay his retirement for a month to help out.

That's right, Gliniewicz was two weeks away from retirement when he died. Then that story was never mentioned again.

So let's review; you have what appears to be a well-respected career police officer. Heavily involved in the community. A youth mentor and police advocate.

Days before he is about to retire he is asked to postpone his retirement so that he can stay on and help with an internal police investigation. Two days after that he is gunned down under mysterious circumstances.

Within weeks he is the target of an aggressive smear campaign and the community hero is transformed into a corrupt parasite and sexual pervert. Immediately after that it is determined that the two gunshots he took to the chest was a suicide...because he was so corrupt, you see, he had to shoot himself.

And like any 30-year police veteran would do, he tried to kill himself first by shooting himself in his ballistic vest.

Now, I'm no expert, but does anything about the story I just told you seem fishy? I'm not saying this cop wasn't involved with some kind of embezzlement or harassment, but if he were can you think of a better fall guy?

Of course, there is absolutely no evidence of that. That is what you call a conspiracy theory. Not that conspiracy theories haven't been correct before. But if you don't get an issue of Bizarre News from me next week you will know where to start looking.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- California couple's engagement ring beset with wisdom tooth --*
SANTA ANA, Calif. - A California woman whose photo of her engagement ring beset with her finance's wisdom tooth went viral says "diamonds are so overrated." Carlee Leifkes of Orange County, Calif., said her relationship with fiance Lucas Unger has been unconventional ever since they first met at a music festival in his native Canada. "So incredibly excited to marry my best friend, the man who knows that his wisdom tooth means more to me than a diamond," Leifkes wrote in a Facebook post. "We have never been the 'traditional couple,' why the heck start now?" Leifkes told Buzzfeed the ring, which bears one of the wisdom teeth removed from Unger's mouth at the age of 17, means more to her than a diamond. "When we'd spoken about it, I'd said that diamonds are so overrated," she said. "My birthstone is a diamond. I don't need one to prove how much someone loves me. He'd already moved all the way from Canada to do that!" Leifkes said the viral photo has resulted in a lot of feedback, some positive and some negative. "We thank everyone for their continued support and love and cannot wait to share photos of our wedding with those who appreciate the love we share! And for those couples out there who are looking to stray away from the traditional diamond ring, remember: Diamonds are not always a girls best friend, your significant other is and don't let other people tell you otherwise!" she wrote on Facebook.


*-- Trained mouse caught smuggling drugs through Brazilian prison --*
ARAGUAINA, Brazil - Officials at a Brazilian prison said they captured a trained mouse used by prisoners to shuttle drugs and other contraband between cells at the facility. Gean Carlos Gomes, director of the Barra da Grota prison in Araguaina, said the tiny trafficker was spotted running through a prison corridor with bags of drugs tied to its tail. The investigation into the drug-smuggling mouse turned up 29 small packets of marijuana and 23 packages of cocaine. Gomes said officers are reviewing CCTV footage in an attempt to determine who was behind the scheme. "They attached a hook to the mouse's tail and then used it to carry the drugs and other goods from one cell to another," Gomes told G1. "When the animal arrived at its destination, the prisoner took the mouse and removed the hook from its tail." A video shared by prison officers shows the tame mouse allowing investigators to pet it on the head. The mouse was released outside the prison, officials said.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
I'm as horny as the next guy, but if I saw a raving, naked woman, covered in ketchup and writhing around on a table top in a public restaurant, my first instinct would NOT be to walk up and touch her va-j-j.

Sounds like just another "normal" happening in the wonderful state of Florida. And why is it that when the incident involves a woman, she almost always has a name like Angelic, or something similar? -David

Damn you Lewis. I wanted to read more about your story so I went on the Internet and searched 'naked woman' and 'ketchup'. Some of the things I found cannot be unseen.

Why ketchup? Ketchup is the least sexy of all the condiments. Why not spice things up with some Dijon mustard or Worcestershire sauce? Live a little! --Dirk

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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