Bizarre News - November 21, 2015

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Terrorism is an unpleasant reality of the modern world we live in. But thank God for guardians of freedom like those who work at the Transportation Security Administration or TSA. Their tireless efforts have kept us safe from the likes of the 5-year-old monster in today's story.

5-year-old enemy of freedom Levi Zilka and his father David were going home to Pennsylvania after Levi's first trip to Disney World. In a flagrant disregard of federal guidelines, young O-Levi bin Zilka attempted to compromise the safety of the flight by smuggling aboard a Buzz Lightyear ray gun that his uncle had bought him as a souvenir.

But the TSA at Fort Lauderdale International Airport was too quick for this little criminal mastermind. TSA and Department of Homeland Security guidelines require all realistic replicas of firearms be checked, but the Zilkas only had carry-on luggage. Just like terrorists would.

Judging the bright purple and green plastic toy to be a threat, the stalwart TSA wrestled the 'weapon' out of the villain's clutches and disposed of it. Since the Zilkas only had carry-on luggage, that meant chucking it into the nearest trash can, prompting the little Levi to burst into tears.

Freedom.

It is worth noting that an undercover inspector general investigation conducted last year found that body-scanners and TSA agents missed banned items, including explosives, 95 percent of the time. But you know what didn't make it through TSA security check points? A single purple and green plastic ray gun.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- America's 'loneliest chimpanzee' smokes cigarettes, drinks Coke, according to lawsuit --*
BATON ROUGE, La. - An animal protection group's lawsuit alleges that a Louisiana theme park's chimpanzee is isolated and neglected and spends her days smoking cigarettes given to her by park visitors and drinking Coke. The Animal Legal Defense Fund announced it is suing the Dixie Landin' theme park and its owner, Sam Hayes, for violating the Endangered Species Act by keeping the chimpanzee isolated and neglected. The advocacy group describes Candy as "the country's loneliest chimpanzee" and alleges she "subsists in a virtually barren concrete cage, where she passes her time staring into space, drinking Coca-Cola, and smoking cigarettes thrown to her by patrons." The group alleges Candy has suffered physical and psychological harm as a result of her living conditions at the park. "This is a landmark case for animal protection," Animal Legal Defense Fund Executive Director Stephen Wells said. "Chimpanzees don't deserve to suffer in punishing isolation, and we will see that justice is served." The lawsuit quotes famed primatologist Jane Goodall as opposing Candy's continued isolation from others of her species. "I strongly recommend that [Candy] be introduced to other chimpanzees in a setting more suitable to her psychological enhancement," the suit quotes Goodall as saying. The group is seeking to have Candy relocated to the Chimp Haven sanctuary in Louisiana.


*-- Town ordinance imposes $124 fines on parents of bullies --*
PLOVER, Wis. - A Wisconsin police chief said an ordinance imposing fines on the parents of school bullies is based around the idea that "it's the parents' job to raise the kids." Plover Police Chief Dan Ault, who suggested the ordinance passed by the town two weeks ago, said parents of children who police determine to have engaged in bullying behavior multiple times within a 90-day period can now be made to pay a $124 fine. "It's not the school's responsibility to raise the kids. It's the school's job to teach the kids. It's not the police's job to raise your kids," Ault told WAOW-TV. "It's the parents' job to raise the kids." Ault, who said his scheme was partially inspired by data suggesting teen suicide is sometimes associated with violence in schools, said he hopes parents are inspired to take responsibility for their kids and act like role models. "If my kids broke something or something happened, I was responsible for it," he told the Stevens Point Journal. "One way or the other, I was responsible for it as the parent." Jeanne Koepke, principal of McDill Elementary School in Plover, welcomed the new ordinance. "Students have to learn to be social to each other, and that can sometimes be very mean," she said. "I certainly can't imagine you don't get good results when including parents/guardians in what's going on with their children, so I have to assume it's going to be a good result." Ault said the first offense will only result in a warning and an offer of help for the parents. "If they don't know what to do, we're certain we'll be able to provide some guidance on who to contact," Ault said. "Do kids have disputes, yes, but this repeated behavior where somebody you know, is intentionally being malicious, that's when we're involved."


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
About the Florida woman who called 911 for wings and cigarettes...was tobacco the only thing she was smoking? Her behavior as described in the article leads me to believe some kind of drugs were involved.
[Nope. Florida is such an exciting place they don't need drugs.]

LEWIS; I've seen people lose it and go nuts in fast food places over minor errors or misunderstandings. FGS people, it's a burger/hot-dog/taco joint. It's not gourmet dining. If you get arrested for being an obnoxious abusive jerk, you deserve it.
[I agree. And it is for that reason that I have not been inside a fast food restaurant since 2005.]

If that kid who killed himself by snakebite was a real man he would have let the snake bite him in the dick.
[Well, that's a little callous. The guy did commit suicide after all. Plus, what would be the benefit of letting a snake bite him in the dick?]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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