Saturday, January 11, 2014

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

I admit it, frequently I will "bizarre up" stories with my own personal style, but sometimes, on rare occasion, a story will come along so perfectly bizarre that it doesn't need much revision. The subject line in today's issue, for example, is the very headline from a story I found on nbcnews.com.

An Oklahoma man is being held on suspicion of murdering his stepfather by giving him an "atomic wedgie," officials said. So apparently, the legends you heard in sixth grade are true.

Police said Brad Lee Davis got into a drunken family fight with his stepfather in which he grabbed the man's underwear, pulled it over his head, and suffocated him with the waistband.

Police allege that the men got into a fight while drinking together when the victim made offensive remarks about his wife, who is Davis' mother.

There is no mention of whether a swirly was administered before-hand.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Prison inmate seeks to boot Chargers from playoffs --*
PITTSBURGH - A Pennsylvania prison inmate filed a motion against the NFL challenging the San Diego Chargers' eligibility for the playoffs. Daniel Spuck of Mercer, whose motion was filed via inmate mail from the Pennsylvania department of corrections, alleged in his U.S. District Court filing the Chargers should not have made it to the postseason due to a missed call in a game against the Kansas City Chiefs and he is seeking "a temporary emergency injunction" to stop the team from playing, the Baltimore Sun reported Thursday. The motion alleges officials failed to call an illegal alignment formation against the Chargers, which would have allowed Kansas City kicker Ryan Succop to re-kick his missed 41-yard field goal attempt. A Chargers loss would have sent the Pittsburgh Steelers to the postseason as the wildcard team. Spuck's motion suggests the court order the NFL to delay the playoffs to allow Succop to re-kick the field goal attempt or allow the Steelers to play the Chargers in a final game to determine who goes to the playoffs.


*-- Bank robbery fails due to suspect's poor penmanship --*
ANTIOCH, Calif. - Police in California said an alleged would-be bank robber fled empty handed when a teller was unable to read the handwriting on his robbery note. Investigators said Jamal Garrett, 29, handed a note demanding cash to a teller at the Wells Fargo Bank in Antioch around 9:45 a.m. Monday, but the teller had difficulty reading his handwriting, the San Ramos Express, Pleasanton, Calif., reported Thursday. Police said the teller called a manager to help her discern the contents of the note and the suspect left through the back door of the bank while the teller and manager were attempting to interpret his handwriting. The bank workers eventually determined the note was a robbery note and contacted police. Police said they later received a report of a suspicious man at Somersville Towne Center and officers determined the man matched the description of the suspect from the bank. Witnesses identified him as the same man from the Wells Fargo incident. Garrett was arrested on a charge of attempted bank robbery and an outstanding warrant for parole violations.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Lewis: Referencing the barber doing 40-haircuts in one hour. Anyone who went into the Marine Corps can remember their first haircut. Marines know that those barbers can cut twice that per hour, and they do. -Jim (USMC 1961-64)
[Yeah, and a sheep shearer can shave an entire sheep down to its skin in less than a minute, but I wouldn't call it a haircut.]

I pity the Fu! Seriously though in Chicago gasoline stations were ordered to remove small signs advertising Camel cigarettes because people believe that pictures of the Joe Camel character encourages children to smoke. -R.S.
[Look at how many kids became soldiers after growing up watching G.I. Joe cartoons!]

how could you say the girl got stuck in the washing machine while playing a game of hide and seek and was stuck in there for hours lost the game? that's the ultimate win, NO ONE FOUND HER!
[Nope. If she had died of starvation and dehydration in the machine after getting stuck she would have been the winner, but she spent most of those hours being stared at by rescue workers while they tried to figure out how to get her the hell out of there.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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