Three years of hostilities, 37,000 U.S. casualties and no
clear victory. Why is this 'The Forgotten War'?
http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/2134/c/186/a/499
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Saturday, January 29, 2011
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
You know how they say hindsight is 20/20? I bet you the guy
in today's story wishes he had spent his weekend alone
spanking it to Internet porn like the rest of us do when
our wives are out of town.
It seems a Florida resident hired a nude maid from Craigslist
to clean his home because his wife was out of town. But the
unfortunate part about hiring strippers from the Internet is
that they have a tendency to be less than trustworthy.
When this stripper says she will clean your house she
really means she will clean your house. When the victim's
wife returned to her clean home she discovered her jewelry
missing.
The man believes the maid cleaned him out while cleaning
the bedroom. Sheriff's deputies are investigating the theft
of $40,000 worth of jewelry from a posh northwest county
home.
Deputies are now looking for the maid to question her in
the disappearance of the jewelry. The victim provided the
woman's web site along with a brief description of her ap-
pearance.
And the worst part? Not only does the poor bastard have to
tell his wife that every last earring and stickpin has been
stolen out of the house, but he also has to tell her that
he's been whoring it up with an Internet stripper.
I'm just curious, since she was "cleaning" naked, where did
she hide the loot???
Bizarrely,
Lewis
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---------- Injury-prone man zapped by lightning ----------
TAMPA, Fla. - The self-proclaimed unluckiest man in the
world said he was again hospitalized after lightning
struck his Florida home while he was on the phone. John
Wade Agan, 47, whose previous hospitalizations were for
conditions including a butcher knife to his chest, injuries
from being robbed at gunpoint in his taxi cab and shoved
in the vehicle's trunk, and being bitten by two snakes at
the same time -- a claim that has drawn some doubt from
experts -- said lightning struck his home Tuesday while
he was using a corded phone, leading him to black out, the
St. Petersburg Times reported Thursday. Agan, who was taken
to Tampa General Hospital, said he woke up surrounded by
paramedics with a hole burned in his sock. Agan said he
knows his injuries have drawn skepticism before, and light-
ning-strike injuries are difficult to prove, but he stands
by his claims. Lightning experts said injuries from talk-
ing on a corded phone during a storm are not unusual.
"It's certainly possible," said Dr. Mary Ann Cooper, a
researcher in the field of lightning injuries.
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------- Woman claims yogurt sample tasted of semen -------
ALBUQUERQUE - Albuquerque police said a supermarket worker
accused of handing out a yogurt sample contaminated with
semen was arrested on outstanding bench warrants. The
Albuquerque Police Department said officers were called
Tuesday to the Sunflower Market by a woman who said store
employee Anthony Garcia, 31, gave her a free yogurt sample
contaminated with "bodily fluid," KRQE-TV, Albuquerque,
reported. The woman told police she spit the sample out
because it tasted like sperm. Police said they are running
tests on the sample. "We found where she basically spit
out the possible evidence," Sgt. Trish Hoffman said. "As
far back as I can remember this is the first time that
we've ever dealt with this." Investigators said Garcia
was arrested on two outstanding bench warrants, one of
which was for failure to appear for an arraignment on two
counts of criminal sexual contact of a minor.
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Giving money from yourself to people who need it is charity.
Taking money from others to give to someone else is not. Is
it humorous or sad that John Kerry the richest senator gave
two thousand dollars to charity last year. All the while
"advocating for the poor" every day in the Senate? -John
Hey Lewis, there is a commercial where I live that uses the
opening line, "Are you laying in a hospital bed with dirty
underwear, one eye, and hungry? Or did you listen to your
mother?" I always get a kick out of that. LOL --Marv
[I have been to the emergency room a couple times in my
life and I have always been thankful to have clean under-
wear on.]
Hi, Lewis! I've been reading your newsletter for as long as
I can remember. I love it! Also, sometimes I think you may
be funnier than TZ! Please don't tell him this as you know
what a delicate man he is. Please keep up the great work!
-Caitlin
[He's a delicate man, alright. He has shown me the bruises.]
Lewis, I read in the news today that police found an un-
identified man's body in a park in your area. They describe
him as having a Beer Belly, Saggy Balls, Wrinkly Ass and a
Small Dick. Are you okay?
[I don't have a wrinkly ass.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
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