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Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
I was paging through a copy of "The Best of Bizarre News II"
today and came to the conclusion that I am a damn funny guy.
For example, take the introduction I wrote to chapter 2,
Weird Science...
If we look down the well of history we will see, at
every watermark, the indelible mark of technology.
The first farmer to break the ground with a plow,
the first metallurgist to mix copper and tin, the
first engineer to harness the power of steam. Each
innovation marks an evolution in mankind's develop-
ment. It is the single most influential element in
human history, so it is no wonder that this book
should devote a chapter to the bizarre side of
technology. Why shouldn't the self-heating under-
pants stand next to the internal combustion engine?
Why should the telegraph get more fame than the
prosthetic chin? This chapter will give you the op-
portunity to decide for yourself.
Plus, there are a lot of really funny stories in this book.
Many of them from even before we started publishing Bizarre
News in the archives. There are barely a thousand copies
left. If you have been subscribed to Bizarre News for less
than four or five years then this will be a bizarre treasure
trove for you.
Since you are Bizarre News subscribers I am giving you the
first shot at a new, reduced price. When we first started
advertising these books they were selling for fourteen bucks!
But these last few copies need to go, so you can get the most
bizarre stories from the early days of Bizarre News for only
$1.07!
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P.S. If you're feeling adventurous there is also an option
to purchase a signed copy on that page. If I become an inter-
national sensation one of these days that book will be worth
a fortune!
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. Now You Can Follow BIZARRE NEWS on TWITTER:
http://twitter.com/MyBizarreNews
You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here...
http://bizarrenews.gophercentral.com
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+----------- Even More Bizarre April Holidays ------------+
April 21 is Kindergarten Day
April 22 is National Jelly Bean Day
April 23 is Read Me Day and World Laboratory Animal Day
April 24 is National Pigs In A Blanket Day
April 25 is National Zucchini Bread Day
April 26 is Richter Scale Day and National Pretzel Day
April 27 is Tell A Story Day
April 28 is Great Poetry Reading Day and Kiss-Your-Mate Day
April 29 is National Shrimp Scampi Day
April 30 is National Honesty Day
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--------- Child support 60 years late, woman sues ---------
LOS ANGELES - An 81-year-old woman is suing her ex-husband
in Los Angeles for the $50-per-month child support she says
he was supposed to start paying in 1950. Rosemary Douglas,
81, said she became pregnant in 1950 and the father, Urban
Joseph Grass, 52, to whom she was not married, wanted
nothing to do with the baby and was ordered to pay $50 per
month in child support. She says she never received the
money, the Houston Chronicle reported Monday. "He was
ordered to do something. He didn't do it," Douglas said.
"He didn't challenge it, not legally anyway. I'd always
thought about this. It was never far from my mind. Finally
I decided, why not? Why not try one more time?" A lawyer
for Grass, who now lives in Pearland, Texas, said the 82-
year-old was unaware of the order until the lawsuit was
filed. Attorney Pedram Mansouri said his client attended
only one hearing on the subject before shipping to Korea
with the Army and never received a child support order.
The suit is seeking $57,000 in unpaid child support.
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------------- Boy, 8, crashes van on gas run -------------
BETHEL, Utah - An 8-year-old Utah boy who tried to help
his parents by gassing up the car before they woke up
crashed the vehicle about 100 yards from home, the family
said. Jordan Winters said his parents were sleeping just
before 9 a.m. Friday at their Bethel home and he decided
to save them time during the day by taking the family's
2003 Dodge Caravan to a nearby gas station for fueling,
WLWT-TV, Cincinnati reported Monday. Winters said he never
exceeded 10 mph and was traveling about 5 mph when he
crashed into a ditch. "I kept on headed toward the ditch,
so I had to turn and then I crashed. I almost crashed into
the telephone pole," the boy said. James Crouch, Winters'
father, said police decided not to take any action. "He
wanted to get gas in the van for us, be nice," Crouch
said. "He was still in his jammies."
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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E!
http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14380/c/120/a/499
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Lewis, Thanks for keeping me laughing. BTW, is TZ's wife
hot? How can she stand him. Except he has a good, but
warped, sense of humor. -Doug
[Well, to each his own, but let me put it this way...TZ
definitely married up. TZ's actually a better family man
than he lets on. But yes, his wife does have a lot of
patience.]
Lewis - I felt like I had to respond (and point out the
flaws of the argument) after Vanessa told you to do your
research before making a claim. Condoms aren't even 100
percent effective against preventing pregnancy, much
less STDs. I don't care if he DOES have a condom, I'm not
having sex with anybody who tells me they have an active
STD. But maybe thats just me. --Katie
[That's good thinking, and fortunately for you guys never
lie...especially for sex.]
Lewis, the gal in Florida can and should file a judicial
misconduct complaint and theft by taking and if the judge
is also a BAR card holder a BAR grievance and just for
grins a lien on his bond. There is this thing called "due
process" demand the police and courts follow it.
That nothing changes for people with insurance is an out-
right lie. There are now tons of new mandated coverages.
That will force the rates up dramatically. Say insurance
in the US costs around $10,000 a year now. When insurance
rates go up for the employer there is an easy out. The
employer pays a $750 fine and bingo you are on government
medicare. Now who pays for the difference between $10,000
and $750? The health care bill is pure fantasy. You can't
make things cheaper by writing legislation saying it is.
-John
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: mailto:lewis@gophercentral.com
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