Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Have you ever heard the phrase, "One good turn deserves another"? This does not always apply. Maybe a better philosophy would be, "Don't bring home stray dogs, especially if you are a paraplegic who likes to sleep in the nude."

This particular paraplegic apparently had a soft spot in his heart for a small, white, fluffy stray he had taken in about three weeks earlier. The dog repaid the kindness by eating one of his testicles while he slept.

He was awakened by a "burning pain" in his mid-section, according to the initial police report. The 39-year-old man told police he sleeps in the nude and noticed the dog was between his legs. He also noticed the dog had blood on its muzzle and front feet.

When the man looked further, according to the report, he noticed that "the dog had eaten one of his testicles." Police took the dog to a local veterinarian where it was euthanized and tested for rabies.

The man, in a move that proves the universe has a perverse sense of humor, was taken to St. Bernards Regional Medical Center where he was treated for his injuries.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

Questions? Comments? Email Lewis


*-- World's first 'test-tube' burger to be on menu in London --*
LONDON - A hamburger worth $380,000 -- or about $75,000 per ounce -- made with meat grown in a laboratory will be cooked and eaten in London next month, scientists say. The 5-ounce burger will include a patty of made of synthetic meat, grown in a laboratory from the stem cells of a slaughtered cow, the scientist behind the faux burger said. The costly patty, set for a public "proof of principle" consumption, will be made of about 3,000 strips of artificial beef, each the size of a rice grain, grown from bovine stem cells cultured in the laboratory, the Belfast Telegraph reported Monday. It is the result of years of research by Mark Post, a medical physiologist at Maastricht University in the Netherlands. Synthetic meat could help to save the world from the growing consumer demand for beef, lamb, pork and chicken, which could see the conversion of much of the world's remaining forests to barren, manicured pastures by the end of this century Post said. Stem cells taken from just one animal could, in theory, be used to make a million times more meat than could be butchered from a single beef carcass. Post's research into synthetic meat, which ran up the $380,000 tab, has been funded by a wealthy anonymous backer who may reveal his identity publicly by volunteering to be the first to taste the test-tube burger, a source told the Telegraph.


*-- Woman wants lions back, doesn't care for gnome ---*
RACINE, Wis. - A Wisconsin woman targeted by pranksters said she does not consider the gnome left by her door to be a fair trade for her missing lion statues. Liza Michna, 37, of Racine said she was at the hospital with her daughter, who was in a diabetic coma, about two weeks ago and returned home to find one of the lion statues that used to guard her front door was missing, The (Racine) Journal Times reported Monday. Michna said the second lion was taken two days later and replaced with a lawn gnome. Michna said the lions were a gift from her husband and five children on Mother's Day last year. "I love those things," she said. Michna said she won't press charges against the pranksters if the lions are returned unharmed. "They can have their gnome," she said.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
I'm like you, Lewis, when I went to a strip club the most I'd ever tipped was around $20. But I've seen lots of guys drop their entire paycheck. The girl's job is to make a person feel like they are the "one". A friend told me to leave without him because he was going home with a dancer. I told him he's being played like a fish on the line but he just knew she was looking for a horny slobbering drunk. I left, the club closed, she told him to wait out front, then left out the back. He ended up walking 5 miles (payday Friday and no money for a cab) at 3am.
[You mean all strippers aren't single moms with a heart of gold and college girls trying to work their way through school? What the hell is this world coming to? Well, like I have always said, 'The best learned lessons are the most expensive (or embarrassing) ones.']

Hi Lewis, you said in the comments "[To me, the moral of the story is NEVER agree to let police search anything, including your vehicle.]", If you tell the police that they can't search your car, they will find something to hold you on and search your car without asking. -Jerry
[You're assuming all cops are corrupt assholes. I am not quite that cynical. If you don't assert your rights, you don't have any.]

Lewis, have you seen this one? "Common sense is apparently hard for some criminals. Take for example, 22-year-old Derrick Mosley, who reportedly attempted to rob an Oregon gun shop on Thursday armed with a baseball bat. According to various news reports, Mosley strolled into Discount Gun Sales in Beaverton, Ore., with his baseball bat and criminal intent. He reportedly smashed a display case and attempted to steal a firearm. The manager of the gun shop drew his own firearm which, unlike the one Mosley attempted to steal, was loaded."

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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