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Saturday, December 26, 2009
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
It has been a hell of a year, hasn't it folks? No matter
what happens you can always count on there being plenty of
bizarre news to keep us all entertained, and this year has
been exceptional in that respect. Let's take a brief look
back at some of the highlights from the last twelve months.
We kicked the year off right in January with the scandal of
Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich trying to literally sell
the vacant senate seat for Illinois. He has since been im-
peached and it now looks like he may get his own reality
show.
And who can forget the story of the Massachusetts lesbian
who tried to rape her "wife" with a turkey baster in order
to impregnate her with her brother's semen. How is that for
a "miracle of life" story?
The summer wasn't just for superhero blockbusters in the
movie theaters. Cincinnati, Ohio was protected by its own
masked vigilante who called himself Shadow Hare. Shadow Hare
revealed only that he is 21 years old and said he is part of
the "Allegiance of Heroes," a nationwide network of real-life
masked crime fighters who communicate via the Internet and
sometimes travel to each other's cities for team-ups. So
rest safe, citizens.
Maybe the Allegiance of Heroes was getting help from the
space aliens who made an appearance in the skies over Great
Britain. In June an armada of mysterious orange lights
illuminated the sky and were seen as far away as Holland.
Plenty of cell phone pictures were taken, precluding any
lone crackpot theories.
But my personal favorite was probably the story of Tatiata
Kozhevnikova. This was the Russian woman who set the world
record for lifting weight with her vagina! Tatiata set the
record by lifting a 14-kilo glass ball (that's almost 31
pounds, folks) with her vagina. Aged 42, Tatiata has been
exercising her "intimate" muscles for fifteen years, and has
already made her entrance into the Guinness Book of Records.
How is that for a bizarre year? I have this terrible feeling
that next year is going to be even more weird. And I look
forward to sharing it with you!
Bizarrely,
Lewis
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---------------- Bizarre Video Of The Week ----------------
UFO Mystery Crash South Of Las Vegas
A blue object from the sky came crashing down in the
desert just south of Las Vegas. Government helicopters
were at the crash site within 17 minutes and began
cleaning up the debris. Aliens? Secret government
aircraft? You decide.
Click & View: http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=12960
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---------- Man with knife in chest orders coffee -----------
WARREN, Mich. - Police in Michigan said a man with a
5-inch knife lodged in his chest walked into a restaurant,
called 911, ordered coffee and sat down to wait for
paramedics. Warren police said the 52-year-old man told
the 911 operator he had been stabbed in Warren and walked
half a mile to Bray's Hamburgers in Hazel Park to use the
telephone, WDIV-TV, Detroit, reported Tuesday. Restaurant
employees said the man then sat down and ordered a coffee
while waiting for the ambulance. "It was like out of a
movie," said George Mirdita, an employee at the restaurant.
"It kind of freaked us all out here. Then, the customers
realized it and they were all turning their heads in
disgust." Police said the man, who told officers he was
stabbed by a mugger for refusing to hand over money, was
treated for his injury and is expected to make a full
recovery.
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--------- Hacked signs warn of hoax zombie attack ----------
GAINESVILLE, Fla. - Florida transportation officials said
pranksters hacked two programmable traffic signs in
Gainesville with hoax messages about a zombie attack.
Gina Busscher, spokeswoman for the Florida Department of
Transportation, told The Gainesville Sun at least two of
the department's signs in the city were hacked Monday and
reprogrammed with the warning: "ZOMBIE ATTACK!! EVACUATE."
Busscher said officials believe the signs were hacked via
telephone or by directly accessing the controls for the
signs. She said the correct traffic messages were restored
shortly after the hoax was reported by the husband of a
department employee at 7 a.m. Monday. The spokeswoman said
the controls for the signs have been padlocked to deter
future pranksters. "We've not seen any zombies on
University Avenue," Busscher said, "so apparently it
worked well... We've not had a problem like this before."
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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
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Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E!
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Lewis, Two of the reindeer names, Donner/Donder and Blitzen,
are often the source of confusion, misspelling, and misin-
formation. The short facts are these: Donner/Donder and
Blitzen were named "Dunder" and "Blixem" (the Dutch words
for thunder and lightning) in the original printing of "A
Visit From St. Nicholas." By the time Johnny Marks wrote
"Rudolph," it was "Donner" and "Blitzen" (possibly because =
Donder was musically awkward).
[Thanks for filling in the details.]
For the most part, the readers comments are a bit annoying.
Stories are good. But, often a reference is made to some-
thing written a while ago that I can not remember, so the
comment makes absolutely no sense. BORING! Only your witty
reply is worth reading.
[That means you have to start reading Bizarre News much more
consistently!]
Lewis: This is for Alice! The alps are in Switzerland, honey.
Try opening a book some time. I mean I know your brains is
closed but your hands are free. -Sean
[You're forgetting about the little-knows Australian Alps.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: mailto:lewis@gophercentral.com
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