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Saturday, May 8, 2010
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
Stephen Hawking, the famous British theoretical physicist
and paralytic, recently made headlines by coming out of the
scientific closet.
Hawking has already warned that we should be very wary about
making contact with extraterrestrial beings. "If aliens ever
visit us, I think the outcome would be much as when Christopher
Columbus first landed in America, which didn't turn out very
well for the Native Americans," he said.
But, as he presented his latest ideas about what travel in
the future might resemble, he reportedly admitted that he
had kept quiet on the subject for fear of being labeled a
heretic by the scientific community.
In a much more recent documentary he suggested that spaceships
will one day be so fast that we won't know whether we've come
or gone. Hawking suggests that Einstein's theories of relativity
will become obsolete. He posits that, at some point when we're
all long gone, a day on a spaceship traveling at 650 million
miles per hour would be akin to one year on Earth. In other
words, a passenger on such a trip would be able to time travel
forward one year in only a day.
While sounding completely bizarre, it does comply with Einstein's
theories. The closer you approach the speed of light, the slower
time moves for you, the traveler, in relation to an observer who
is stationary.
Before you conclude that such a phenomenon is provable, you
should know that right now, the United States government does
possess technology which can move forward through time relative
to us Earth-bound observers consistent with Einstein's theories!
Yes, the United States possessed time travel technology. They
are called satellites. Time dilation is a measurable phenomenon
that must be taken into account by the satellites that provide
us with our GPS coordinates. Since the satellites are moving
thousands of times faster through space than we are in our cars,
time actually moves slower for them. In other words, they are
slowly creeping into our future by thousandths of a second!
Creepy, isn't it?
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. Now You Can Follow BIZARRE NEWS on TWITTER:
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+------------ Even More Bizarre May Holidays -------------+
May 20 is Eliza Doolittle Day
May 21 is National Memo Day & National Waitresses/Waiters
Day
May 22 is Buy-A-Musical-Instrument Day
May 23 is Penny Day
May 24 is National Escargot Day
May 25 is National Tap Dance Day
May 26 is Grey Day
May 27 is Body Painting Arts Festival
May 28 is National Hamburger Day
May 29 is End Of The Middle Ages Day
May 30 is My Bucket's Got A Hole In It Day
May 31 is National Macaroon Day
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------------- Workers dig pool in wrong yard -------------
BRISBANE, Australia - An Australian homeowner said workmen
mistakenly began digging a swimming pool in his garden
and fled once they discovered the $17,700 mistake. Peter
Collard of Brisbane, who is trying to sell the house, said
he received a call from his real estate agent saying he
should rush home because two men were digging in his yard,
The Daily Telegraph reported Thursday. "The first I heard
of it was when my agent rang me and said: 'There's someone
digging your yard up. You'd better rush home,'" Collard
said. "I rushed home to find this huge mess and about
$20,000 (U.S. $17,700) worth of damage." "These guys
obviously knew there was something up and took off," he
said. Susan Grantham of Queensland state police said the
men loaded their backhoe onto a dump truck and left the
scene without explanation. "They just picked everything up
and were gone," she said. Collard said his insurance is
not covering the damage and appealed to neighbors to come
forward if they recently arranged to have a pool dug in
their yards.
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----------- Police seek drag-dressing car thief -----------
WAUWATOSA, Wis. - Wisconsin police said they are searching
for a suspected car thief who led police on multiple high
speed chases while dressed in drag. Wauwatosa police said
a motorcycle officer pulled over a speeding vehicle Friday
and asked the driver, a man dressed in women's clothing
and makeup, for identification, WauwatosaNOW.com reported
Thursday. The officer said the driver, who seemed nervous,
did not have identification and sped off when asked who
owned the car. Police said the officer chased the car
for about a minute, but stopped for the safety of other
motorists when the man sped to speeds of 100 mph. Investi-
gators said they ran the license plate and found the car
had been stolen two weeks earlier in Brookfield, Wis.
Brookfield police said the suspect, a 20-year-old
Milwaukee man, has been linked to several car thefts and
ensuing high speed chases. They said the suspect always
wears women's clothing and makeup.
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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Here's one for you Lewis, "A Chinese man has died after an
eel was inserted in rectum by friends as, reports claim,
a joke."
[With friends like those...]
According to Myth Busters this is an urban legend. Pee is
not constant enough to conduct a current unless you are
really close. The odds of the pee conducting through the
case of a PS2 is even more problematic. -John
[Maybe, but I still wouldn't want to test the theory.]
The guy who peed in his PlayStation 2 while it was still
plugged in was an idiot. Everyone knows you're supposed to
unplug it before you pee on it! It says so in the owner's
manual! -Chris
Hey, Lewis! Reading about our $12 trillion nation debt I
was reminded of a movie back in the late 70's about America
being far in debt (I'd hate to think what the number was
in that movie). When the foreign creditors demand payment,
they have a telethon. I believe it was called America-thon.
How depressing, then AND now! -mascot
[I remember that movie. It starred John Ritter as President,
a bachelor president, as I recall, and Harvey Korman. That's
about all I remember. Although the premise of the movie is
not completely bizarre. We might be at that point before
long.]
Lewis, we here at my office read you every week. I bet you
really ARE one Bizarre dude. -tom
[I'm not bizarre, I'm just fascinated with the bizarre, and
like to report on it. I'm actually a fairly middle of the
road guy.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
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