Bizarre News - August 27, 2014

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Nothing to see here, citizen. The strange lights hanging in the sky over Camp Pendleton in California are nothing more than a "training exercise" according to officials.

Residents across Orange County and as far away as Riverside County have called police to report alarming lights in the sky.

Police have been flooded with calls.

CalFire has even put out an alert for officers so they would know how to respond to people's concerns.

No information has been given on how the lights are being utilized by the base, only that they are involved in a training exercise.

An advisory was issued by Camp Pendleton officials last week about the live-fire training exercise and warned neighboring cities may hear an increase of noise levels during the exercise.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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Questions? Comments? Email Lewis


*-- British man fakes kidnapping to party without girlfriend --*
BOLTON, England - A man in England was fined for wasting police time after telling his girlfriend he was kidnapped so he could stay at a party with his friends. The unnamed man told his girlfriend he was being held in a house in Bolton, England until he repaid £50 to the fabricated captor. The man's understandably panicked girlfriend called the police to report the fictional crime, launching a very costly manhunt that even led to an unnecessary arrest. "Considerable resources and time then went into finding this man, who it transpires made the entire thing up so he could stay out and party," Detective Inspector Jo Clawson said in a statement. "This is without doubt one of the most foolish and irresponsible incidents I have been involved in ... Significant resources were taken off the front line on a Friday night, which is without exception one of the busiest times of the week." Over a dozen officers executed a neighborhood search, knocking on doors and combing through CCTV footage. The "missing" man was eventually discovered at a party around 1:30 a.m. Saturday morning. Rather an arrest him, the man was fined on the spot and will forever have a criminal record for trying to have night without his girlfriend. "We feel we have wasted enough time and resources on him already and not only has he been fined, this matter will be recorded as a criminal conviction on his record."


*-- British grandma finds dead mouse in Kellogg's Cornflakes --*
PORTSMOUTH, England (UPI) - A horrified woman in England discovered a dead mouse in a box Kellogg's Crunchy Nut Cornflakes, prompting her to swear off the brand forever. Fifty-year-old Pauline Henderson was only trying to serve breakfast to her grandson, Toby, when she noticed something much different than a prize fall from a freshly-unsealed box of cereal. "In the morning I poured some into a bowl for him and noticed something black covered in the corkflakes," Henderson told the Daily Mirror. "Then I saw the mouse. It was horrible and I felt absolutely sick ... Goodness knows how long the mouse was in the box or if it was dead or alive when it went in." Kellogg's in investigating the incident, and says this is a first for the popular cereal manufacturer. "We are carrying out a full investigation to identify if and how this occurred as it hasn't happened before," a spokesperson said, adding, "We take food safety extremely seriously and carry out regular quality checks in our factories." Kellogg's offered to replace the box, but Henderson said she'll pass. "I spoke to Kellogg's and they asked me if I wanted another box and I said 'no I do not' ... It's put me off buying any Crunchy Nut ever again."


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Dear Lewis, Remind me not to eat or drink before reading your column I almost spat out my morning tea reading that tape-worm story Who on earth buys a pill of tapeworms eggs? Scuse me i feel sick again.
[100 years ago that kind of thing was not unheard of as a weight loss remedy. If it worked for Great Gam-Gam, why not you?]

I bet Rifle, Colorado has less crime than areas with strict gun laws. The bad guys know there is a higher price to pay. The intoxicated guy that farted in the woman's face, she could have given him a second a**hole before he had a chance to reload.
[Remember, there are barely 10,000 people in that town. That hardly enough population for a crime wave, guns or no guns.]

In your story about the guy who farted in the woman's face you stated near the end, "unless she develops a case of delayed pinkeye". Didn't you mean to say a case of delayed STINKEYE? -Gary
[I think you could go either way in that situation.]

Lewis, Get Real: As if Jesus ever would have owned a gun or voted Republican!
[Well, in Matthew Jesus said, "Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." To some people that sounds like Communism. However, if you never accumulate anything you'll never have anything to give away, will you?]

Lewis, This is for Jody who thinks all Americen men are deadbeats and absent from the home. When my two daughters were 7 and 4 both my wife and I worked and I became aware of the need for one of us to be home with them. Since my wife made 3 times what I made, I gladly refused a promotion and placed my career on hold to become a stay at home dad. I took over all household duties, volunteered at school and raised our two daughters. When my youngest graduated high school my wife began a relationship with another man we divorced. Today she lives 1000 miles from my daughters and I. Women seem to only talk of the deadbeats not the ones who aren't. -An American man
[That's a tough story, Man. But the real question is are you happier without her?]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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