Bizarre News - October 22, 2014

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

If you love something, set it free. If it doesn't return, try to climb down its chimney and MAKE it love you!

That might have been what one woman was thinking when she was discovered stuck in the chimney of a Southern California house and had to be rescued.

Ventura County fire Capt. Ron Oatman says firefighters responding to neighbors' reports of a woman crying had to chisel away much of the chimney and lubricate it with dish soap Sunday to free 30-year-old Genoveva Nunez-Figueroa.

She was arrested on suspicion of illegal entry and giving false information to police.

Police say Nunez-Figueroa knows the owner of the home, who wasn't there at the time. They wouldn't elaborate, but according to video the homeowner identified the woman as someone he met online and had dated. He told local news that he cut off their relationship.

I wonder why?

She had no clear injuries but was taken to a hospital for evaluation.

"I hope she gets help, I hope she stays offline," he said.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Alleged drunk driver thought jail was a bar --*
PAW PAW, Mich. (UPI) - Police in Michigan said an alleged drunk driver pulled into the county jail parking lot and thought she had arrived at another bar. The Van Buren County Sheriff's Office said the 39-year-old Hartford woman, whose name was not released, pulled into the county jail parking lot just after 2 a.m. Sunday and was seen trying to convince her boyfriend to get back into her vehicle. Deputies said the woman smelled heavily of alcohol and a breathalyzer test indicated her blood alcohol content was more than twice the legal limit of .08. Police said the woman admitted to investigators she had been out drinking at a bar and she had believed the parking lot was for another bar. The sheriff's office said the woman is expected to face drunken driving related charges.


*-- Lawsuit: Man awoke from surgery in pink panties --*
DOVER, Del. (UPI) - A Delaware man's lawsuit alleges he awoke from anesthesia after a colonoscopy procedure to find he had been dressed in a pair of pink panties. The New Castle County Superior Court lawsuit, filed by attorney Gary Nitsche on behalf of Andrew Walls, 32, said Walls was employed by the Delaware Surgery Center in Dover when he underwent a colonoscopy procedure at the facility in 2012. Nitsche said his client was put under anesthesia during the procedure and he awoke after surgery to find someone had dressed him in pink women's underwear. "When the plaintiff initially presented for his colonoscopy he had not been wearing pink women's underwear and at no time did the plaintiff voluntarily, knowingly or intentionally place the pink women's underwear upon himself," the lawsuit states. Jennifer Anderson, director of the Delaware Surgery Center, declined to comment Wednesday. "We just found out about this yesterday afternoon," she told the News Journal. The lawsuit, which also names the Eden Hill Surgical Group of Dover, alleges Walls suffered "severe emotional stress," and Nitsche wrote his client is seeking compensation for mental anguish, lost wages and loss of earning capacity.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Gee, Lewis! Years ago we used to hear that teen girls used those little Coca Cola bottles as dildos. Urban legend or fact? Who knows but us guys always laughed about it. -R.S.
[Nobody ever said that women are less resourceful than men when it comes to masturbation. Well, I'm sure it has been said, but whoever said it was wrong.]

Hey Lewis! Several years ago, I read about police officers in the midwest who responded to a call about a crocodile in someone's yard. Even though crocodiles aren't native to that area, police officers fired several rounds into the thing before the homeowner came out and informed them that it was made of cement. It was a lawn ornament. -Jody

Oh how I wish Illinois would allow private collection of large lottery winnings...and that I would actually win, but that's something else. -Marty
[Just because the Illinois Lottery Commission publishes the names of grand prize winners doesn't mean you can't remain anonymous. You have to go look to find that information. I couldn't tell you the name of a single Illinois lottery winner. I seriously doubt anybody you know is stalking the Illinois Lottery web page on a daily basis on the one-in-a-million (actually more like one-in-twenty million) chance that you are going to win.]

Now, now Mr. Lewis...A Bear is an animal. I couldn't "bare" the pain to carry such a heavy beast.
[Sorry. I have no idea what you're talking about.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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