Saturday, February 9, 2013
Greetings fellow Bizarros:I have long believed that education is the solution to many of the social problems we face; drugs, teen pregnancy, crime, recidivism, racism, even unemployment. All can be addressed in large part (not completely, of course) with education.
But education is not what it used to be. It is not even close to what it should be. Because young people entering higher education are faced with the following educational choices, which are real, actual classes that people pay money and get class credits for:
Zombies in Popular Media This class at Columbia College in Chicago traces the history of zombies in movies and literature and explores how zombies relate to themes of capitalism, individuality and xenophobia.
Learning from YouTube Professor Alexandra Juhasz of Pitzer College has said this class is a "pedagogic experiment focusing on the potentials and limits of digital-media culture." All class work, assignments and discussions must take place on YouTube.
Daytime Serials: Family and Social Roles Students in this class watch daytime soaps, analyze their themes and study the social impact of gender roles on the family and the workplace.
Underwater basket weaving Underwater basket weaving actually involves making baskets by dipping reeds into water and letting them soak - at least that's how Reed College of Portland in Oregon, and University of California in San Diego taught it.
Philosophy and Star Trek Georgetown University's Philosophy and Star Trek course is every college Trekkie's dream. In addition to watching episodes of "Star Trek," the class also reads philosophical writings and wrestles with such questions as "Is time travel possible?" and "Could reality be radically different from what 'we' think?"
Cyberporn and Society State University of New York's undergraduate students in this class survey Internet porn sites and examine issues of obscenity and what causes cultures to define pornography in different ways.
The Science of Superheroes How do you transform physics into a more exciting subject? The University of California at Irvine does so by studying the science behind superheroes like Superman, Wonder Woman and Batman.
Popular 'Logic' on TV Judge Shows The University of California's Arguing with Judge Judy: Popular 'Logic' on TV Judge Shows course isn't quite what you'd expect. This class is concerned with the illogical arguments made by the shows' entertaining litigants.
Fat studies Professor Jacqueline Johnson's course Fat Studies at George Washington University is just one of many that are popping up on college campuses across the nation. The class teaches students to think of body size critically and politically, and it aims to promote weight awareness and acceptance among people of all shapes and sizes.
Simpsons and Philosophy The University of California at Berkeley's two-unit course Simpsons and Philosophy is described as a "fairly rigorous" philosophical course that asks weighty questions like "Can Nietzsche's rejection of traditional morality justify Bart's bad behavior?"
Armed with these classes under their belts, a whole new generation of baristas and bartenders will be prepared to make horrible personal decisions, vote, and eventually raise a whole new generation of brainless cultural zombies.
Kind of makes you want to pick up a book, doesn't it?
Bizarrely,
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Email Lewis *-- Mom passes drugs with open-mouth kiss --*PENN YAN, N.Y. - Authorities in New York state said a mother used an open-mouth kiss to smuggle Oxycodone to her son in a jail. The Yates County Sheriff's Department said Kimberly Margeson, 54, put the prescription pills "into her mouth and brought them into the jail when she visited her son," William Partridge, 30, who was arrested on a weapons charge, thesmokinggun.com reported Friday. Margeson allegedly passed two pills "from her mouth to her son's mouth when she kissed him." Deputies said they believe the pills were for Partridge's personal use and not to sell inside the jail. Margeson was arrested on a felony drug charge and a misdemeanor charge of promoting prison contraband. Partridge was also charged with the contraband count. Margeson pleaded not guilty Tuesday and was released after posting $2,000 bail.
*-- Man quits over 666 on tax form --*CLARKSVILLE, Tenn. - A Tennessee man who quit his job after receiving a W-2 tax form stamped with the number 666 said he was trying to save his soul. Walter Slonopas, 52, resigned as a maintenance worker at Contech Casting LLC in Clarksville, Tenn., last week because accepting the form stamped with 666 -- believed by some to be the "number of the beast" associated with the apocalypse -- would be a one-way ticket to hell, The Tennessean, a newspaper in Nashville, reported Thursday. "If you accept that number, you sell your soul to the devil," he said. Slonopas said he was initially given the number 666 to clock in when he was hired in April 2011 but his complaints led to it being changed to 668. He told the newspaper he resigned after the number reverted to 666 when the company changed time clock systems three months later but he returned to work a few days later when the company apologized. Bob LaCourciere, vice president of sales and marketing for the Revstone Corp., which owns Contech Casting, said he was shocked the mistake was repeated with a stamp on Slonopas' form. "I am completely at a loss for words," he said. LaCourciere said Slonopas will be issued a replacement form and he hopes the worker can be convinced to return to the company. However, Slonopas said he will not return to Contech. "God is worth more than money," he told The Tennessean.
*-- READER COMMENTS --*The Army Corps of Engineer taught us to never, ever wrap any rope or cable, around any part of your body.
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Too bad there are so few high school student in the Army Corps of Engineers.]
I don't know how the guy who shot himself with a flare gun rated your newsletter. That is so common that they even have a name for it: Erotic Combustion. Apparently most common method is smoking while applying your after shave. They call it getting a "bang out of life." -John
By the way, that girl talked of "Xanax bars". What in the world are xanax bars? I know about xanax pills. Do they now come in candy bars as well?
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They are the exact opposite of power bars.]
Lewis, it is about time you do something about those people working for you with bad grammar, punctuation, and spelling. Are you sure firing them is enough? I mean, we could tie them to a whipping post like in the ancient days! lol -Rita
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How did you know that I have one of those in my office?]
*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*Missed an Issue? Visit the Bizarre News ArchivesWell, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: LEWIS