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Saturday, January 15, 2011
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
The Illinois state legislature just approved a 66 percent
increase in the state tax. It's the latest symptom of the
huge budget deficits the entire country is facing.
Although what we're going through in the United States is
mild compared to some of the austerity measures they are
implementing in parts of Europe.
Take Romania for example.
As part of their new budget Romania is imposing new taxes
on witches. Like the broomstick and black cat kind of
witches...which is apparently a thriving minority in
Romania.
The tax on witches went into effect as part of the govern-
ment's drive to crack down on tax evasion in a country
that is in recession. Like any self-employed person, they
will pay 16 percent income tax and make contributions to
health and pension programs.
And they are not happy about it.
Angry witches from Romania's eastern and western regions
are planning to descend to the southern plains and the
Danube River to threaten the government with spells and
spirits.
The plan is to use cat excrement and dead dogs to cast
spells on the president and government who are forcing
them to pay taxes.
"This law is foolish. What is there to tax, when we hardly
earn anything?" commented a witch named Alisia during a
phone interview...probably because she was getting bad
reception on her crystal ball.
"The lawmakers don't look at themselves, at how much they
make, their tricks; they steal and they come to us asking
us to put spells on their enemies."
Lawmakers are prepared, however. The president and his
aides are going to wear purple to ward off evil spirits.
Purple has a high vibration, it makes the wearer superior
and wards off evil attacks.
Well, it's cheaper than bodyguards.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
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+---------- Even More Bizarre January Holidays -----------+
January 21 is National Hugging Day
January 22 is National Answer Your Cat's Question Day and
National Blonde Brownie Day
January 23 is National Handwriting Day, National Pie Day,
and Measure Your Feet Day
January 24 is Eskimo Pie Patent Day
January 25 is Opposite Day
January 26 is Australia Day
January 27 is Punch the Clock Day and Thomas Crapper Day
January 28 is National Kazoo Day, Clash Day, Rattle Snake
Round-Up Day
January 29 is National Cornchip Day
January 30 is Escape Day
January 31 is National Popcorn Day and Child Labor Day
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------- Alcohol blamed for bird deaths in Romania -------
BUCHAREST, Romania - Dozens of dead starlings found in
a Romanian city were not victims of avian flu, as first
feared, but were the victims of alcohol poisoning,
officials said. Residents found the dead birds on the
outskirts of Constanta, BBC News reported this week.
Authorities were notified out of concern they might have
died from avian flu. Romania has had outbreaks of avian
flu in the past, including a March 2010 incident that
resulted in some birds being culled. However, local
veterinary officials said the starlings died after
eating grape pulp left over from wine-making. Analysis
of the starlings' gizzards showed they died from alcohol
poisoning, the head of the local sanitary and veterinary
authority said.
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---------- Police cars damaged by wrong fuel ----------
CHELMSFORD, England - A British county's police force
said about $100,000 has been spent repairing 332 patrol
cars filled with the wrong fuel during the past seven
years. Essex police said gas caps playing a recorded
reminder not to use anything but diesel fuel failed to
stop officers from using regular gasoline on the patrol
vehicles at least 332 times in the past seven years, The
Daily Telegraph reported Thursday. The police department
said 222 of the occasions took place in the five years
preceding 2008, when the recorded voice reminder system
was put in place. However, the system did not stop 110
further incidents during the following two years. "We
are constantly reminding staff to ensure they use the
correct fuel. However, our staff drive both petrol and
diesel vehicles during the course of their work and
unfortunately mistakes happen," a police spokeswoman
said. "We have around 900 vehicles and do fit devices
to prevent wrong fueling. This is not a concern unique
to the police service and is a problem nationally."
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Happiness is getting Bizarre News delivered to your email
box on your birthday! Keep up the great work Lewis, and
THANKS! -Laura
[Happy birthday, Laura!]
Hey Lewis, I got one that can top the ATM heist. When my
uncle lived in Maine about 20 years ago, him and a friend
of his decided that they would try and steal a safe from
a convenience store or some such place. They got the safe
out of the building and dragged it back to their motel
room in the middle of the night. How did they get caught?
It was winter and snowing, and the police just followed
the footprints and chunks of concrete straight to their
front door. --Not the proudest nephew in Panama City, FL
[Too bad about the snow...sounds like it was a good plan.]
Lewis, I've subscribed to your newsletter from work for two
years. Now I quit and am sort of a "homemaker" in a way. I
just got DSL hooked up and have an extra bill to pay now.
Is there any way that I could make just enough a month to
pay for the DSL from home with my computer? How is it done?
I'm way up in Montana in the boonies, don't know if that
makes a difference. let me know if you can. Thanks, Babz
[There's always web porn. $5.99 per minute.]
Hi Lewis, Isn't it odd how we can make gross stereotypical
observations about certain professions such as lawyers
("most lawyers are just a free clinic visit away from being
whores anyway") that we would never get away with regarding
ethnic groups or people of certain gender, national origin
or religious persuasion. Politicians, phone solicitors,
paparrazzi and weathermen are just a few others that come
to mind that seem to be constantly in season. It's good that
we can have these outlets. I wonder if bloggers will one day
have this distinction? -Gary
[You mean fat, smelly and socially awkward? Not that I'm
talking about myself!!!]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
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