Bizarre News - October 29, 2014

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

Does the terror group ISIS have no scruples? Is there no depth of depravity to which they will not sink? Apparently not, because one of their agents has committed a crime against nature right here on our soil.

The whole sordid affair began when Connecticut resident Alice Woodruff noticed a commotion in her yard. When she went to investigate she found her neighbor rolling around naked with her pit bull.

"I thought my dog had killed somebody because I saw a man underneath her," Woodruff explained to local news. "I started to scream 'get off my dog, you have to get out of here.' He said, 'No, today is the day we are going to spend the rest of our lives together.'"

As it turned out, it was the intruder who was attacking the dog, with his genitals.

Woodruff said the man appeared mentally ill as he was telling her that the terror group ISIS sent him.

"He pranced through the yard naked, yelling 'this is our day and you have to prosper in it,'" Woodruff said. "I ran in, got my gun out of the bedroom and showed him the clip went in, but I always kept the gun at my side while I was talking to him. He kept saying this is the plan, that we were going to die today in a massacre. He didn't seem to care that I had the gun, and I kept it down. Then I gave him a warning and shot the gun to the right into the dirt."

"He put his arms out and started walking toward me, telling me to kill him, but to know that as soon as I kill him that we were going to die," Woodruff said. "Honestly, the whole time I thought there was a bomb or gun and he was going to take it out and do a massacre."

I'm not sure where Ms. Woodruff thought he was keeping a bomb if he was completely naked.

The Waterbury Police Department is investigating the incident. Authorities plan to charge him with cruelty to an animal, sexual assault and breach of peace.

The man is currently hospitalized.

I think if I were going to rape a dog I would pick something a little more docile and definitely more fluffy than a pit bull. A standard poodle, maybe. But then, I don't work for ISIS.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Shower peeper claimed testing 'waterproof' phone --*
EXETER, England (UPI) - A British man accused of recording
a woman showing in a swimming pool cubicle claimed he was
testing if his phone was waterproof. Exeter Magistrates'
Court heard Zak Hardy, 18, of Plymouth, England, used his
cellphone to take video of a naked woman showing in an
adjacent cubicle at the Riverside swimming pool in Exeter.
The woman noticed the phone over the cubicle wall was
pointed at her with the blue recording light on and
alerted staff, who told police the man moved to a
different cubicle before he was confronted. Hardy told
police he had been holding his phone under the shower to
test if it was waterproof and he had accidentally
activated the camera. However, his defense lawyer, Nick
Bradley, said Hardy now admits he gave a false account to
police, and he admitted filming the woman on purpose. "He
accepts what he did," Bradley said. "It is not the most
serious offence although it was of course upsetting for
the complainant." Hardy, whose phone was destroyed, was
sentenced to 18 months probation and ordered to pay $242
in compensation. He will also be registered as a sex
offender for five years, the court ruled.


*-- 'Right' spelled wrong by British road painters --*
WARSOP, England (UPI) - Contractors painting the road
outside a British supermarket's parking lot mistakenly
spelled "right" as "rihgt." The mistake in spelling
"right turn" next to the Co-op store in Warsop, England,
was first spotted Friday afternoon and photographed by
resident Eric Hill before being painted over by the
contractors. A spokesman for the Co-op supermarket said
the contractors were made aware of the mistake shortly
after they finished painting and it was corrected "as
quickly as possible." "You would have thought getting
a right turn road sign right wouldn't be too difficult,"
one resident said. "But I guess spelling isn't the road
workers' strongpoint."


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
Lewis, here is one from the NY Daily News web page: "Quick,
count up your sexual partners. Men who have had sex with
more than 20 women have a 28 percent lower chance of being
diagnosed with prostate cancer, say researchers from the
University of Montreal. It is possible that having many
female sexual partners results in a higher frequency of
ejaculations, whose protective effect against prostate
cancer has been previously observed. Ejaculating often is
thought to lower the number of carcinogens in semen, one
theory states."
[Sounds reasonable (although I never knew there are
carcinogens in my semen), but by that logic wouldn't
masturbating frequently accomplish the same thing?]


Lewis; Riley Louis Swearingen, the 24 year old U.S. Airman
who gave a wet Willy to a uniformed cop is indeed a moron.
He thought that idiotic childish prank was funny? Gee, if
stupidity was a felony this imbecile should be locked up
for at least 10 years.
[Maybe it was PTSD.]


People should learn to read. Coworkers dressed him in
the pink panties (likely as a joke). If I was out and
a coworker dressed me in pink panties, I'd be mighty
pissed and looking for a new job too. Especially after
a colonoscopy that make most people fairly uncomfortable
in the first place. -John
[I guess it depends on what makes you uncomfortable. I
happen to know personally that TZ has worn his wife's
underwear on more than one occasion.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
***
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