Saturday, November 2, 2013
Greetings fellow Bizarros:China is a dynamic country with an ancient culture steeped in its own wisdom. There is more that we can glean from China other than just lead-based toys and Internet censorship. Their enlightened attitude toward women, for example.
Beijing Police Department recently posted a series of messages on China's Twitter-like service entitled "Women Drivers Please Take Care to Avoid These Mistakes."
These helpful, common-sense hints included warnings about a woman's lack of a sense of direction, wearing high heels while driving, an inability to control a car's gas and brake pedals, driving with the hand brake on, forgetting to switch gears while driving and getting flustered after an accident.
One post read, "Some women drivers lack a sense of direction and while driving a car they often hesitate and can't decide which road to take. Once they realize their mistake, they cause accidents by spinning the steering wheel in a panic."
Sounds like a very plausible scenario. And forewarned is forearmed, after all.
Another post read, "Women drivers tend to panic following an accident. They usually draw a complete mental blank, providing opportunities for criminals."
Surprisingly some Chinese citizens had a problem with these posts.
"This is discrimination! Many male drivers are idiots, too," wrote one angry reader.
Which is undoubtedly true, but what that reader failed to realize is that all of those male drivers are also Chinese!
Bizarrely,
Lewis Questions? Comments?
Email Lewis*-- Student allowed to resume wearing Jesus costume --*HIGHLAND PARK, Ill. - A student at a suburban Chicago high school who wore a Jesus costume Thursday for Halloween was told to remove it by school officials. The student at Highland Park High School was allowed to resume wearing his toga, cross and crown of thorns after officials decided he did not select the costume to offend, the Chicago Tribune reported. The school in Highland Park on the North Shore has guidelines for Halloween costumes that try to bar anything offensive or provocative. Students are warned to avoid props that suggest drinking or smoking and anything that would stereotype culture, gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation or religion. A photo that appears to show the teen in costume was posted Wednesday on Facebook, the Tribune said. "OH MY GOD(literally), please don't be afraid if u see BLACK JESUS munchin on some pasta tomorrow! HAPPY HALLOWEEN," the accompanying message said.
*-- More than 1,500 win cash with 666 lottery number --*HARTFORD, Conn. - Connecticut Lottery officials said more than 1,520 people won prize money by playing the number 666 in the Play3 Night drawing. Officials said the prizes are based on the amount wagered by the players, so the payouts from Monday night's drawing will vary from $25 up to $2,500, WFSB-TV, Hartford, Conn., reported Thursday. "Since the Play3 Night game began, 6-6-6 has been drawn a total of nine times in the nightly drawing with the last combination being picked on March 22, 1995," said Anne Noble, president and chief executive officer of the CT Lottery. "It's always fun and exciting when a triple single digit is drawn because so many people are particularly fond of playing these numbers."
*-- READER COMMENTS --*I wonder what would happen if these pirates were to hear that 1964 surfing classic Surfin; Bird by the Trashmen. My parents hated it which made me like it even more. Who knows? Maybe word peace might come from this song if used properly. -Mikey
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There are some weapons that are just too terrible to use. Sort of like why we have never had a nuclear war. Nobody wants to unleash that kind of frightfulness.]
Lewis, regarding the pumpkin story...I saw a photo of that very sign on Facebook a couple of days ago. To anyone who wants to know, the expletive that can't be printed here sounds very much like "ash whole." -Chris
Lewis, I just love your column. You manage to say things how they are while trying to sound like a dink, but I think your honesty and candor are hilarious. And when people are just talking out of their ass, you give fact-driven responses. I don't know if I read so much for the "Bizarre
News", but for your responses to peoples comments, lol. Keep up the good work! -Jamie
Lewis, thought this might be right up your alley... "A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment's employees. The woman had been making some extra money on the side while telling her husband she worked at a store in a nearby town."
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Who do you think would be in more trouble in that situation, the husband or the wife?]
*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*Missed an Issue? Visit the Bizarre News ArchivesWell, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: LEWIS