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Saturday, January 9, 2010
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
First it was Driving While Intoxicated. Then they changed it
to Driving Under the Influence. In Ontario, Canada they're
going to have to come up with a new one, Snow Blowing While
Intoxicated.
A civic-minded but drunken man has been charged with pushing
a snow blower into a major intersection north of Toronto.
The unidentified 41-year-old man caused traffic mayhem during
rush hour in Barrie, 50 miles north of Toronto. Before a
passing officer was able to reach the man, he was almost
struck by cars twice amid clouds of snow he was stirring up.
"His capacity to make sound decisions was obviously affected,"
a police spokesman said.
The man was arrested and charged with public intoxication and
held until he was sober. Officers said the man offered no
explanation for why he wanted to clear the intersection.
All things said and done he was lucky. If the man had been
riding a snow blower instead of using a hand-push variety, he
could have faced an impaired driving charge as well.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
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A Spoon Full of Cinnamon
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----------- Firefighters free penis from pipe ------------
SOUTHAMPTON, England - British firefighters called to a
hospital said they spent 30 minutes using a metal grinder
to free a man's penis from a steel pipe. The Hampshire
Fire and Rescue Service crew said they were called to
England's Southampton General Hospital Tuesday morning to
use the 4 1/2-inch grinder to cut through the pipe without
damaging the man's sex organ, The Sun reported. Hospital
staff said they were unable to remove the pipe without
assistance because the blood flow in the man's penis had
become restricted and caused him to become aroused. Doctors
said the man's penis was bruised and swollen after the
operation but he did not suffer any serious or permanent
injuries. Firefighters said the man declined to explain
how his penis had become stuck in the pipe. "It was a very
delicate operation that required a very steady hand and
the crew was worried about things getting too hot during
the cutting," a Fire and Rescue spokesman said. "It's
certainly an unusual call-out and I'm sure the man won't
be getting into that situation again."
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--------- Man crashes into cafe, orders breakfast ----------
PORT ORANGE, Fla. - A 91-year-old man who crashed his car
into a popular Florida restaurant proceeded to sit down
and order breakfast near his vehicle, authorities said.
Tonya Gilardi, a spokeswoman for Port Orange Fire, said
Charles Pierce was not injured when he crashed his car
into the Biscuits 'N' Gravy restaurant Monday morning but
another customer was treated for minor injuries at Halifax
Health Medical Center in Port Orange, the Daytona Beach
(Fla.) News-Journal reported. "A firefighter told me he
sat down and ordered breakfast right after the crash,"
Gilardi said of Pierce. "He sat close to where the crash
occurred so he could keep an eye on his car." Port Orange
Assistant Police Chief Wayne Miller said Pierce was
attempting to park Monday at the restaurant when he
pressed the accelerator "one too many times" and the
vehicle slammed through the glass window of the cafe.
Miller said Pierce was issued a citation for careless
driving.
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Lewis: Anything that would make them smell better would be
wonderful. -Robert
[You are dating the WRONG kind of women, trust me.]
Hey Keith, read your bible, angels were created by God before
humans, remember reading about Lucifer? Human souls don't
become angels. Maybe their weight would be 0 oz., that would
not take much lift now would it? -Rex
Lewis, I'm not a tree-hugger, but I am quite fond of the
secretion's natural flavor - Dorothy
[I don't think you have to be an environmentalist to
appreciate that.]
Hey Lewis, you forgot to mention the most fun thing about
champagne -- Sabreing! This year I successfully beheaded
2 bottles during parties. Nothing says fun like a sword
and an explosive bottle. I've only ever had 1 explode on
me, and it was hilarious. -Bill
[If there are two things I don't like to combine they are
weapons and alcohol, so I'll leave the "Sabreing" to you.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: mailto:lewis@gophercentral.com
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