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Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
Excuse me for saying it, but I would be afraid to have sex
with this woman...and not just because she is probably a mad
Russian. Would you be intimidated by a woman who could lift
up 31 pounds of weight with one hand? What if she could lift
it up with something else?
Tatiata Kozhevnikova of Novosibirsk, Russian has set a new
world record, lifting a 14-kilo glass ball (that's almost 31
pounds, folks) with her vagina. Aged 42, Tatiata has been
exercising her "intimate" muscles for fifteen years, and has
already made her entrance into the Guinness Book of Records.
"After I had a child, my intimate muscles got unbelievably
weak. I read books on Dao and learned that ancient women
used to deal with this problem using wooden balls," she said.
"I looked around, saw a Murano glass ball and inserted it in
my vagina. It took me ages to get it out!"
That's not something you hear very many women say, but that
little set back didn't discourage Tatiata. She developed
quite a taste for vaginal fitness, and now she has her
exercising balls custom-made.
"You insert one of the balls in your vagina, and it has a
string attached to it with a little hook at the very end.
You fix a second ball onto this hook."
The Russian recommends vaginal exercises to all women who
want to improve their sex life.
"It's enough to exercise your vagina five minutes a day,
ladies, and in just one week you'll be able to give yourself
and your man unforgettable pleasure in bed!"
That is if your man enjoys having his man-parts crushed in
a warm, fleshy vice!
Bizarrely,
Lewis
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+----------------- More Bizarre Holidays ------------------+
JUNE
June 11 is National Hug Holiday and King Kamehameha Day
June 13 is National Juggling Day and Kitchen Klutzes Of
America Day
June 14 is Pop Goes The Weasel Day
June 16 is National Hollerin' Contest Day
June 18 is International Panic Day
June 20 is Ice Cream Soda Day
June 21 is Cuckoo Warning Day
June 24 is Museum Comes To Life Day
June 25 is Log Cabin Day
June 26 is National Chocolate Pudding Day
June 27 is National Columnists Day
June 28 is Paul Bunyan Day
June 29 is Camera Day
June 30 is Meteor Day
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---------- You've Never Seen This on Man vs. Wild ----------
Saskatchewan - We've all seen the television programs about
how to survive in the wild. Making fire with sticks and
killing wild game with a shoe and a belt, etc. But one
Canadian man had a much more practical approach. The man
reported he had been boating on a lake when bad weather hit
and he was stranded. With no way to communicate with the
outside world he took matters and an axe into his own hands.
He chopping down four power poles ? knocking out electricity
to surrounding communities and waited for the power company
to come out and repair the damage. "Essentially it was
mission accomplished, because we got the call, we chartered
a helicopter...and on Friday around noon we discovered him,"
a SaskPower spokesperson said. They said, considering the
circumstances, they are not going to try to recoup damages
from the stranded man.
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---------- Restaurant regulars picking up checks -----------
NEW YORK - Workers and patrons at a New York restaurant say
a mysterious couple have been picking up the checks for
other customers. Spigolo employees said the couple, whom
they refused to identify, come by for dinner often and pick
other tables seemingly at random to pay for. "There's no
rhyme or reason to whom they pick," bartender Paula Lukas
said. "The tabs will vary. They also take care of the tip,
but most people leave a tip, too." Manager Abby Merz said
the couple are also unpredictable when it comes to when
they are likely to come in for dinner. "I have no idea how
they choose people," she said. "It's an anonymous, random
act of kindness."
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Those "facts," seemed pretty facetious to me Lewis. I hope
you didn't believe them without checking them. They were
ridiculouis and in most cases, demonstrably false. C'mon,
let's exercise our critical faculties here. -Michael
[That is why I explicitly wrote in my opening comments that
most of the "facts" were completely unbelievable, however I
was reprinting them for the entertainment value.]
as for the nose picking "fact" all I can say is; Boogers.
they aren't just for breakfast anymore! -gerald
[Still living life as a five-year-old gerald?]
Re: Money thought experiment. I went into debt and got
nothing in return? Last I checked I bought a house with
the money I borrowed. So everyone who has a debt gets
a free payday? And everyone who put savings into a bank
account pays for it? Wow what a horrible thought ex-
periment. -John
[Well, if you bought a house five years ago for $300,000
and now it's worth $150,000, then yes, I'd say you got
nothing in return!]
Lewis, I've seen the name of Chadwick (editor of the
sadly-now-defunct "Up Yours!" column) mentioned in B.N.
a couple times in the last couple weeks. I KNEW people
still remember and love him! Tell the people not to
despair! The Chadwick Liberation Front is still here,
and we will not rest until Chadwick is returned to Gopher
Central and once more pours His vitriolic humor upon all
and sundry! Chadwick Now! Chadwick Forever! -David
[That is unlikely unless the lawsuit and restraining order
are revoked.]
I came across this item and thought you might enjoy it:
"Ashlee Lineberger, 31, of Englewood, Fla., sent in the
fee to renew her driver's license. But when her new
license arrived in the mail, she noticed her street
address had been replaced -- with "EAT ASS" printed on
the official document. Lineberger and her husband got
the "runaround" from DMV officials on the phone, so they
went to their local office -- where they were told they
could get a new license if they paid another fee. They
took the document to the media, instead. Embarrassed
state officials called to apologize, and to offer a new
license for no charge."
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: mailto:lewis@gophercentral.com