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Saturday, March 20, 2010
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
Every parent...well...most every parent at some point has
to have that uncomfortable talk with their kids about where
babies come from at some point. Or there is my father's
method of taking me to the zoo during mating season when I
was thirteen.
But this is an issue 36-year-old California mother Alana
Sanders and her husband will not have to deal with. At least
not with her two older children, because Faith and Jabari
Sanders, ages 11 and 9 years, delivered their mom's new baby
for her.
"I never thought that something like this could happen,"
said Faith, a fifth-grader. "Usually, nothing happens every
day. It's the same-old, same-old. But this time something
new and exciting happened."
That morning Alana thought that new and exciting thing was
going to be a bowel movement. Hey, we all get excited by
different things. But when Alana sat down she realized some-
thing else was about to come out.
Alana Sanders told her son to call 911, then she told Faith
to call her father to tell him to come home, but things were
moving too fast. Alana was still standing by the toilet when
after only one push, 9 pounds and 4 ounces of baby Joseph
came out.
The kids talked things over with the 911 dispatcher, got
towels and even tied the umbilical cord.
9 year-old Jabari will have something to talk about for the
rest of his like. "I thought it was kind of cool and weird
because he was born in a bathroom."
Bizarrely,
Lewis
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Elderly Asian Man with the World's Longest Hair
His name is Tran Van Hay. And his hair? Well, it's a bit
long. So long, in fact, that he has to wrap it up in a
turban for travel. In 2004, Hay's hair measured in at an
incredible 6.2 meters, or 20 roughly feet.
Watch It Now: http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=13938
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------------ Police visit wrong house 50+ times ------------
NEW YORK - New York police said they were trying to learn
why officers have visited an elderly couple's home more
than 50 times seeking suspects the couple had never met.
Walter Martin, 83, and his wife, Rose, 82, said police
have knocked on their door up to 75 times since 2002 and
each time said they were seeking a suspect or key witness
in crimes including robbery, murder and rape, the New York
Daily News reported. "Our identity theft squad is investi-
gating the matter," police spokesman Ed Mullen said. The
Martins said they had never heard of any of the suspects
until police came to their door. "I'm really worried,"
Rose Martin said. "How could so many people get my address
and how could cops be coming from so many different
precincts?"
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---------- Man arrested for hitting door with hoe ----------
ST. LUCIE, Fla. - Florida authorities said an 80-year-old
man was arrested for attacking his neighbors' door with a
garden hoe because he thought they stole his cookies. The
St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office said the St. Lucie
residents called 911 Sunday and reported they were awakened
by a "loud banging at the door" that turned out to be
neighbor Gene Edward Chambers hitting the door with a
garden hoe, TCPalm.com reported Thursday. Chambers told a
deputy who arrived at the scene that he first knocked on
the door then fetched the garden hoe when there was no
answer. He accused his neighbors of sneaking into his
house during the night and stealing seven boxes of "Little
Debbie Oatmeal Cookies." A deputy who searched Chambers'
home for signs of theft found five boxes of the snacks and
a Wal-Mart receipt from the previous day confirming he had
purchased five boxes. "Chambers was mistaken thinking he
had bought seven boxes," deputies wrote in a report.
Chambers was arrested on a misdemeanor charge of criminal
mischief. The neighbors' door, which deputies valued at
$200, was "damaged beyond repair," the report said.
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
As far as combining states to eliminate many state govern-
ments, how 'bout deeding half of California and several
other states back to Mexico. -Mark
[Just give them another twenty years...the illegal Mexican
immigrants will have supplanted U.S. citizens in California
and they'll own it be default.]
Richard was on to something when he suggested we combine
states to save money wasted on bureaucracy but I think we
should approach it from another angle. Let's combine New
Jersey with New Brunswick, Mexico can have California and
Texas and we can offer Florida to Cuba. We can grant an
easement for Canada and build a big-assed razor wire border
around the rest. It's got to be cheaper than paying for all
the social services to those states.
[You people are awfully eager to give away the country's
hard stolen real estate. Why not go all the way and give it
all back to the American Indians?]
Here's an idea--instead of taking money away from things
like education, libraries, etc to pay off the national debt,
why not take the money away from rich fat-cat politicians
who put us in debt in the first place? --C. J.
[Not all politicians are rich fat cats. You have to be in
office for a long time before you can start demanding the
kind of graft and kick-backs that will qualify you as a
'fat cat'.]
A politician is simply a public servant, a voice that should
echo the voice of the people they represent. I don't ever
recall saying (or my neighbors saying) "I want my politician
to have a seperate program from Social Security!", "I want
my politician to have a seperate medical plan!"... Half the
problem is the politicians in office, the other half is the
citizens letting them get away with it! People should stop
bitching and moaning at the bar and bring it to the voting
booth!
[There is an old quote which goes, "Nations have progressed
in this sequence: From bondage to spiritual faith; from
spiritual faith to great courage; from courage to liberty;
from liberty to abundance; from abundance to selfishness;
from selfishness to complacency; from complacency to apathy;
from apathy to dependency; from dependency back again to
bondage." A quick search I did on the Internet showed that
it belongs to a man named Alexander Tyler, but I don't know
for sure. I think consistently declining polling numbers
reveal we are in the 'apathy' stage.]
Lewis, your son can uncircumcise himself, and he should give
it a try (look it up, look for Penn and Teller and their tv
show called BullS#$t). The sex is SOOOOOOOO much better for
both parties! When the head is protected from contact with
underwear and such, it gets so much more sensitive to touch.
For women, the added thickness and texture makes sex better.
-Stun Gun Millie
[A little more information than I needed, but thank you.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
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Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: mailto:lewis@gophercentral.com
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