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Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

I don't mean to sound unappreciative for being able to get on a plane without being shot or blown to little bits (when they DO manage to find actual weapons and explosives), but I think we can all agree that the TSA can get a bit literal when prosecuting their mandate. Take this woman who was trying to fly out of BWI, for example.

The Transportation Security Administration said a traveler in Maryland was delayed due to a pair of shoes with realistic-looking guns for high heels.

TSA spokeswoman Lisa Farbstein said the female traveler at Baltimore/Washington International Airport was delayed for an unspecified amount of time when agents discovered the gun shoes in her carry-on bag.

The woman was also traveling with two bracelets that were lined with realistic-looking bullets.

"Shoes and bracelets that are less than ideal to wear or bring to a TSA checkpoint. These delayed a traveler at BWI," the spokeswoman wrote.

"Friendly reminder from SA: Realistic replica firearms and ammunition are not permitted past TSA checkpoints."

Farbstein said the woman was told she could put the items in her checked bags, but she chose instead to abandon the shoes and bracelets in order to make her flight on time.


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*- Active Balloon Popper Alert at Canadian School -*

Ottawa - The sound of popping balloons had dozens of police officers descending on Carleton University Sunday evening, following erroneous reports of a shooter on campus. Several students took to social media to report a possible emergency situation, with the campus placed on lockdown while campus security and Ottawa police investigated. The false alarm was traced to the Tory building, near the center of the campus, where students were reportedly popping about 80 balloons, sending some students into a panic and triggering the emergency call. Students at the library, across the courtyard from the Tory building, were told to stay inside until the situation was cleared. Emergency responders quickly determined the source of the false alarm, and the lockdown was lifted within 20 minutes.


*--------- You're Gonna Need a Bigger Boat ---------*

WHANGAREI, New Zealand - A group of fishermen off the coast of New Zealand captured video of a hungry great white shark repeatedly trying to bite different parts of their boat. The video shows the shark swimming around the boat and putting its mouth on different parks of the vessel while the astonished humans look on and film it with their phones. "It then hit its nose on the boat which made its attitude become more aggressive," the filmer wrote online. "Eventually it left." The video involved the same boat and crew seen in an earlier released video showing one of the passengers reaching down to pet a passing shark on the same day.


*---------- READER COMMENTS ----------*

Lewis, I found this amusing. Perhaps you could use it in your column... "Police in Germany say a man has died after he and two others blew up a condom machine and he was hit in the head by a flying piece of metal."
[Wow! Those pro-lifers are really militant in Germany.]

Isn't there an old saying, "Some smack in the cooch is worth more than some bud in the bush..." or something like that?

Lewis, I had to go to the google to find out what the hell a courgette is (turns out it's a zucchini). My question is; if you're already using a cucumber as a sex toy, what do you need the zucchini for?
[Apparently you're not very kinky. Think about it; what can you do with a zucchini that you can't do with a cucumber??? Starting to make sense now?]

*------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------*

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