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Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

A man told his aunt that he stole a human brain in order to use it to produce strong marijuana that causes hallucinations, according to police in Pennsylvania.

Carlisle police said that they have arrested 26-year-old Joshua Long, after being accused of conspiring with his friends to produce potent marijuana using the stolen human brain.

Not sure how that would work, but you can't argue with science.

Long was charged with abuse of a corpse and conspiracy to commit abuse of a corpse. He was booked into the Cumberland County Prison, and his bail was set at $100,000.

Police are still looking for Long's accomplices.

According to the police investigation, Long's aunt discovered the human brain in a WalMart shopping bag under the porch of a mobile home belonging to his friend.

When the aunt asked Long about the brain, he admitted that he and Zoller use it to produce strong marijuana. Police believe that the brain was used as a specimen for teaching.


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*---- It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time ----*

Authorities in Missouri arrested a man and a woman accused of taking a naked ride on a stolen lawn mower in the early morning. The Jasper County Sheriff's Office said deputies made contact with a 55-year-old man and a 40-year-old woman inside the house. The couple told deputies they had been skinny dipping in a creek earlier that morning and they rode the lawn mower home in the nude after their clothes were stolen. Deputies said the couple were arrested on suspicion of stealing when deputies determined the lawn mower didn't belong to either of them. The sheriff's office said theft charges are being pursued by the Jasper County prosecutor's office.


*---------- "So, what are you in for?" ----------*

RIO DE JANEIRO - Here is a criminal charge you don't hear very often. A man armed with a fire extinguisher attempted to put out the Olympic flame, the second time someone tried to douse the flame on its trip to the 2016 Summer Games. Video shows a man running from the crowd as the torch bearers passed through Joinville and attempting unsuccessfully to spray the flame with a fire extinguisher before being apprehended by security. According to Fox Sports, the man's motivations were unknown but he was arrested for attempting to put out the flame symbolizing the spirit of the competition at the games. A similar filed attempt at extinguishing the Olympic flame was made in June when a 27-year-old man acting on a dare flung a bucket of water at the torch, but missed and doused security guards.

*-------------- READER COMMENTS --------------*

Lewis, I love Pokemon Go! I have no interest in playing it. I just think it's a great way to thin the herd of weaker specimens. I know, I'm a sick fu@#k. Thanks, as always. - Doug

Happy Summer Lewis! I just GOTTA ask if u can ferret-out injuries to those 2 clowns who fell-off a cliff playing Pokemon Go. Falling 60 feet - especially on rocks - is a guaranteed KILL! 1 guy fell 50, the other 80-90! As a forensic pathology, I REALLY want to ascertain the post-event trauma, if any. -Phil
[The story doesn't specify, but you have to assume it wasn't a straight drop. They must have bounced a few times because you are right, a straight shot 50 feet down should kill anyone.]

Everybody knows that you only use a steel bathtub for BBQs...except a certain dimwit in Knoxville.

Lewis, In TN, brisket is another word for road kill. Why didn't she just turn on the shower? Bet she never had the problem before she moved the bathroom inside! ...Joe in NJ
[Don't be ridiculous. You can't cook a brisket with a shower.'ve just given me an idea. What if you unscrewed the plumbing connecting to the showerhead and reconnected it to the gas line? Then you would basically have a flame broiler! Joe, you just might be a genius!]

*----------- END OF READER COMMENTS ----------*

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