Saturday, October 15, 2011

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

When will the federal government stop sticking its nose in the private business of the American people?

They investigate our finances. They investigate our communications. They investigate our travel habits. And now they want to investigate peoples' sexual activity? Is that right? Well, when the sex might cause a plane crash it might be.

The Federal Aviation Administration says it will look into a videotaped skydiving sex stunt to determine if the pilot might have been distracted during the incident.

This is a new twist on the Mile High Club, at least it's new to me! It seems a porn actor named Alex Torres, who also moonlighted on weekends as an instructor at a skydiving business called Skydive Taft, videotaped himself having sex with a receptionist at the skydive school in a plane minutes before jumping in tandem. They continued the act (and the video) mid-air.

Now, whether this was a dangerous distraction for the pilot or not I do not know, but I really feel like I have to give credit to Torres, or Voodoo as he likes to call himself, because I can't stay amorous if I am the least distracted. I can't imagine jumping out of a plane that way!

Torres put the video on his website where some teenage boys found and started emailing it around to each other. That is how is came to the attention of the local police and eventually the FAA.

Torres has been sacked and the receptionist suspended. While nudity on a private plane is not against the law, anything that might distract the pilot is. I don't know, if you were driving and a couple were humping in the passenger seat next to you, would you be distracted?

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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*-- Surfer rides on back of shark --*
SEASIDE, Ore. - An Oregon surfer who was knocked off his board by a 10- to 12-foot shark said he wound up riding for a few seconds on the large beast's back. Doug Niblack, whose story was backed up by witnesses, said he was surfing Monday at "the cove" in Seaside when the shark, which he suspects was a great white, knocked him off his board, KATU-TV, Portland, Ore., reported Thursday. Niblack said he landed on the shark's back and the monster fish lifted him out of the water above his knees for several seconds before swimming away. "It pulled my leg about three feet, hooked on my leash, then it was gone," Niblack said. "And that was the scariest part, when I didn't know where it was anymore." Niblack and fellow surfer Jake Marks said they paddled to shore as quickly as they could. "You just have that fight or flight thing going on," Marks said. "The shark was a lot bigger than us, so we chose flight." Experts said shark sightings are rare on the Oregon coast, but they are sometimes found in the area.

*-- Rioters who 'fess up get free spa day --*
VANCOUVER, British Columbia - A spa chain in Vancouver, Canada, is offering $50 "Calm Down" vouchers to anyone who took part in hockey riots last June who surrenders to police. The chain of seven Eccotique spa outlets has begun an ad campaign inviting rioters to visit a spa and describe their looting or arson on June 15 when the Vancouver Canucks lost the Stanley Cup to the Boston Bruins. The confessors will leave a fingerprint on a spa card and then turn themselves into police. When they return to the spa with a police arrest form, they receive the $50 voucher to be used toward massages, manicures, pedicures or waxing, the company said in a release. Eccotique President Milajne Soligo said the offer was not a reward for bad behavior. "Suspects can finally come to terms with their conscience, while the police can see justice is done" Soligo said. "These people obviously had a lot of pent-up anger during all the chaos. We think they need to learn how to calm down and relax." The company published an ad showing a rioter in a police mug shot wearing a spa face pack.

*-- READER COMMENTS --*
My brothers dog named Clyde once ate my brothers watermelon, he had prepared it for 4th of July and stored it under the back porch. It was filled with vodka and gin and had straws implanted in it. Clyde got into it at night so we don't know what her condition was after she finished it but she looked a little hang dog on the fourth. -Bill

The group photo at the bottom of your web page is skewed horizontally, making everyone in the picture look bloated and chubby, to put it mildly. I think you should have this fixed. -Robert
[Nope. It's not skewed. We're all just fat.]

i had a dog that LOVED watermelon. only problem was, after she ate it, i'd have to kepp gettin up to let her outside. guess it does the same thing to dogs that it does to people.

"Calling it 'medical marijuana' does not make it any safer." Calling Budweiser "legal" doesn't make it any safer either. -Guy R.
[And it doesn't make it taste any better.]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*

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