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Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Greetings fellow Bizarros:
How many people thought it looked kind of fun to be a POW
in the show Hogan's Heroes? If you're this kind of person
then has 'POW Escapes' got the vacation for you.
Imagine it's 1942. You are flying a daring night mission
over Europe but heavy enemy ground fire damages your
plane and you are forced to land in a remote area of Nazi
occupied Poland. You are helped by member of the Polish
resistance and they hide you in a safe house. Unfortunately,
the Nazis have informers everywhere and you are betrayed.
In the dead of night, the Gestapo comes for you and they
take you away for interrogation, then to the Prisoner of
War camp known as Stalag Luft XIX.
POW Escapes offers you the opportunity to feel what it was
like for airmen captured and held in captivity by the Luft-
waffe during the war. You will be given a new identity and
you will be held with other prisoners of war. But be careful,
while most of your fellow prisoners hate the Nazis as much
as you do, some are moles, placed in the camp to gather
intelligence and prevent escapes.
Does the whole thing sound a little psychotic? It gets worse.
Your primary duty will be to help with escape attempts, but
be warned, the penalty for trying to escape is death.
There will be trips to the "cooler" and even firing squads
for those found guilty of serious offenses.
The experience lasts a full week and is capped off by a
"Liberation Dinner" after the Russians free you camp. So
if you're feeling particularly masochistic and you can
afford the $3,500 (not including the airfare to Warsaw), you
too can pretend to be Steve McQueen or Charles Bronson.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
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+----------- Bizarre (and Stupid) Criminals -------------+
Washington D.C. - A convict broke out of jail in Washington
D.C., then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend
to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a
sandwich. She needed to see him, and thus had him paged.
Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as
he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over
the lunch hour.
Ionia, Michigan - When two service station attendants
refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber,
the man threatened to call the police. They still refused,
so the robber called the police and was arrested.
Radnor, Pennsylvania - Police interrogated a suspect by
placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it
with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's
lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the
copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't
telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was
working, the suspect confessed.
Toronto, Canada - A gas station attendant had no trouble
identifying a robber for police, even though the man had
worn a pair of women's panties over his head as a disguise.
The thief, who later admitted that his mind was clouded
by intoxicants, had stuck his face through one of the
leg-holes so he could see.
Modesto, CA - Steven Richard King was arrested for trying
to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon.
King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but
unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
Virginia Beach - A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a
nasty surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen
money exploded in his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber
apparently stuffed the loot down the front of his pants
as he was running out the door. "He was seen hopping and
jumping around," said police spokesman Mike Carey, "with
an explosion taking place inside his pants."
Los Angeles, California - Police in Los Angeles had good
luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control him-
self during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in
the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money
or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
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------- Salami, cheese made weapons in store fight -------
AACHEN, Germany - Authorities in Germany said two shoppers
were hospitalized following a brawl involving the use of
salami and Parmesan cheese as weapons. Police in Aachen
said the incident began Saturday when a 74-year-old man
and a 35-year-old woman engaged in a tug-of-war over an
empty cart in the parking lot of a supermarket, Britain's
The Daily Telegraph reported. The woman's 24-year-old
brother punched the older man to the ground and the
siblings went into the store with their 53-year-old mother.
The older man followed the others into the store and used
a hunk of salami as a club to attack the 24-year-old. The
mother used a piece of sharp Parmesan as a knife to jab at
the man and she cracked her head on a glass counter top
during the struggle. Police said two of those involved in
the fight were treated at a hospital for minor injuries.
They did not say whether charges would be filed as a result
of the incident. Investigators said tensions were high at
the busy supermarket due to a shortage of shopping carts.
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----------- Motorized barstool sells for $1,125 ------------
NEWARK, Ohio - A motorized barstool put up for auction
after its owner crashed it while intoxicated fetched a
high bid of $1,125 on eBay. The stool, which Kile Wygle,
29, was ordered to sell to help pay approximately $37,000
he owes in back child support, was first listed Dec. 3
for 99 cents. The 37th and final bid for the item Sunday
brought the total to $1,125, the Newark (Ohio) Advocate
reported. Wygle, of Newark, Ohio, pleaded guilty to
driving under the influence after he crashed the motorized
stool in March. The metal barstool is welded to a frame
featuring four tires, a 5-horsepower engine and a steering
wheel.
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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E!
http://pd.gophercentral.com/u/14380/c/120/a/499
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Hi Lewis, A neat story in today's paper on a woman, Heather
Richard, who gave birth to a baby in a toilet. One of those
women who didn't realise she was pregnant. Apparently a
doctor had told her she couldn't have a child. Lucky kid was
saved from drowning in the toilet by one of the two police
officers who coincidentally had just arrived to arrest the
new mother!
[I bet she was glad to discover she didn't just have a really
bad case of constipation.]
Hello Lewis: The comment from DaY is revealing; one of the
geniuses of the global warming hypothesis works for NASA.
[There are plenty of really smart people who believe in
global warming...and when New York is under ten feet of
water we're going to be the one with egg on our faces.]
howdy, in regard to ron's letter about weather control, I am
wondering if he is mixed up with the lone gunmen? and since
when do we believe everything that the russians tell us?
and who do you think "controlled" the weather around chicago
this past week?
[We believed them when they finally came forward (after three
days) and said the bizarre glow in the sky over Norway was
one of their failed missiles, didn't we?]
Thats a very nice theory you have about the moonlanding lewis,
but the fact is the moon landing never actually happened.
Sorry to burst your bubble because we all know how desperate
the US and its citizens are to believe they are the definition
of success. You people just blindly swallow whatever your
governing body feeds you don't you? The saddest part is none
of you realise how the rest of the world views you - but I can
promise you its not as the light your PR media paints you in.
Land of the free, home of the slaves right, Lewis? -Amanda
[Oh, I'm not saying that a lot of what was released to the
public covering the moon landings was faked. It had to be,
because all of the original stuff had all sorts of alien
ruins and artifacts all over it.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: mailto:lewis@gophercentral.com
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