Bizarre News - November 29, 2014

Greetings fellow Bizarros:

You have to give this guy a few points for creativity, but subtract about 200 for smarts.

To be fair, Jorge Navarro Jr. of Oak Lawn, IL (not too far from my own neighborhood) was in a sticky situation none of us want to be in.

The 23-year-old was pulled over by police around 2:40 a.m. Sunday for a traffic stop. Maybe he couldn't afford the ticket, or maybe he was nervous about something else, like the open alcohol container he had in his vehicle, but for whatever reason he struck upon a daring but moronic plan.

Right in the middle of the traffic stop, court records state that Navarro called 911 and said he heard eight gunshots and that a man had been shot and was lying on the ground a few blocks south of his location.

"Several officers drove to the scene with their emergency lights on," according to court records.

When questioned, Navarro said he had phoned in the fake shooting to get out of the traffic violations.

Despite the distraction, Navarro received tickets for illegal transportation of an open alcohol container, speeding, no seat belt, driving without lights and improper lane usage, plus a felony charge for making the bogus 911 call.

Bizarrely,
Lewis

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Questions? Comments? Email Lewis


Light-breaking squirrels play Grinch at zoo
CINCINNATI (UPI) - Officials at the Cincinnati Zoo said a pack of Grinchy squirrels are countering their holiday cheer by taking down their festive lights. Chad Yelton of the Cincinnati Zoo said squirrels gnaw on the LED light strands workers put up for the holiday season and the animals seem intent on keeping the facility's Bear Hill from being bathed in festive illumination. "This is by far the number one spot for squirrels," Yelton said of Bear Hill. "We've had many a night where it's completely dark." Yelton said the zoo lost 300 strands of lights in one recent year, "and most of that was on Bear Hill." Officials said the squirrel problem has been going on for several years. Before the switch to LED lights, the squirrels would unscrew the incandescent bulbs, apparently mistaking them for nuts. Yelton said the zoo tried using hot sauce to deter the squirrels, but "they kind of laughed at it." "You know, it didn't really do much. I think we felt good about it, but it didn't do much," he said. Steve Foltz, director of horticulture at the zoo, said the yearly attempt to safeguard the holiday lights is "a challenge whose smarter, the squirrel or the horticulturists." Foltz admitted that for the moment, "the squirrels win."


Poo-powered bus takes to the streets in Britain
BATH, England (UPI) - The sewage company behind Britain's first poo-powered Bio-Bus said the vehicle can run up to 186 miles on one tank of fuel from human and food waste. GENeco, a subsidiary of Wessex Water, said the fuel for the 40-seat Bio-Bus is produced at the Bristol sewage treatment works, where human waste and food unfit for consumption are put through a process to create biomethane. Mohammed Saddiq, general manager of GENeco, said the company is also producing biomethane for the country's natural gas network. "Through treating sewage and food that's unfit for human consumption we're able to produce enough biomethane to provide a significant supply of gas to the national gas network that's capable of powering almost 8,500 homes as well as fueling the Bio-Bus." It takes the annual waste from about five people to create one tank of biomethane for the bus, officials said. The Bath Bus Company is running the Bio-Bus on the 20-mile A4 route between Bath, England, and the airport in Bristol, England.


*-- READER COMMENTS --*
I can't believe people are questioning the sexuality of Winnie the Pooh! That is just insane! He was based on a stuffed near owned by the author's son and gender has never been a question. These people have way too much time on their hands. I know Bizarre News reports on "the weird, strange, and stupid." This story falls into that third category. -Chris
[As long as there are stupid people Bizarre News will never run out of content.]

Lewis, did you see this one? "Florida woman STEALS liquor, hides bottle in her VAGINA, in front of her SON! Apparently no one was buying this chick a drink, so she took matters into her own hands - or vajayjay, rather. A Florida woman was caught ON CAMERA, STEALING a bottle of E&J liquor and hiding it by SHOVING it inside her VAGINA! To make matters worse, her young son is with her and the little boy looks shocked!"
[It is always a matter of debate as to what age children should learn the "facts of life". But eventually they have to learn that when a woman loves a brandy very much, a very special brandy, she puts the brandy in a very special place.]

Lewis, I hope you're making a lot of $$. You bring a lot of fun into my life, Sugar. Thanks from a fan in California.
[Well, I don't keep stacks of twenty dollar bills in a vault in the floor of my closet (name that movie), but I squeak by. Thanks for the kudos.]

Lewis, it seems like your column thingy gets shorter every week! What's up? -marie
[Well, marie, I'm not exactly a young man anymore. I don't know how many men who are around that fifty mark that you've known intimately, but when a man reaches a certain age a few things don't perform with the virility that they used to. Wait..are we talking about the same kind of 'thingy'?]

*-- END OF READER COMMENTS --*
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