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Nov. 30, 2009
BEST WISHES OF THE SEASON BRING OUT SCROOGE IN CRITICS
DEAR ABBY: For 20 years I have gone to considerable thought
and expense to carefully select nice holiday cards to send
to a varied client base. I have tried to be considerate and
sensitive to any cultural and religious differences.
My Christian friends wanted explicitly religious cards, the
Hanukkah cards were not religious enough, and the middle-of-
the-road "Season's Greetings" were termed "wishy-washy sec-
ular." My own family is a feuding stew of different faiths.
This year? I've had it. I sent Thanksgiving cards with the
following quote from Theodore Roosevelt: "Let us remember
that as much has been given us, much will be expected from
us, and that true homage comes from the heart as well as
from the lips, and shows itself in deeds."
It bothers me that a simple delivery of good wishes was met
with such a resounding show of bad manners and ill will, and
I see no point in continuing. My mother says I expect too
much of people and that this will backfire. I'm past caring
and have no more cheeks left to turn. I agreed to abide by
your advice. What say you?
-- STEAMED IN VAN NUYS, CALIF.
DEAR STEAMED: I don't blame you for being offended. The
complainers were extremely rude. If you've sent cards only
out of fear that if you didn't it would somehow "backfire,"
then you shouldn't have sent them. And if anyone is pre-
sumptuous enough to raise the subject, tell that person it's
because your selection was criticized last year, so this year
you decided to save your money.
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DEAR ABBY: I'm a 43-year-old woman with one adopted 16-year-
old child. I have never had children of my own, and I'd like
to try again. My 44-year-old husband feels we're too old now,
and of course society thinks we're too old, too. We have
friends whose kids are having kids. Do you think we're too
old?
-- OPEN-MINDED IN MICHIGAN
DEAR OPEN-MINDED: Yes, I do, but what I think doesn't matter.
This is a subject you should discuss at length with your
OB/GYN because a pregnancy at your age could be risky not
only for you, but also your child. And if your husband
doesn't feel up to the challenge, his wishes should be con-
sidered.
DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother of a 7-year-old girl. Before
we moved to a rural area, my daughter attended a private
school where she flourished. However, after three years in
public school here, she is struggling academically and her
self-esteem has been challenged.
Every day I agonize over whether we ought to move or stay.
I have a great job, wonderful friends and the lifestyle is
comfortable. But the schools are awful. I remember how my
daughter used to love going to school, but now she hates it.
I can't decide if we should move back to a larger city where
there are more educational choices, or if we should remain
here. Have you any thoughts on this? I want my daughter to
gain stability, but I don't know if this is the place because
school is such an important part of people's lives.
-- MUST CHOOSE IN MARYLAND
DEAR MUST CHOOSE: What's more important to you -- your job,
friends and lifestyle, or your daughter's future? Once you
have answered that question, your choice will be easy.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist
and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send
a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or
money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity
Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage
is included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.