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April 21, 2010

Greetings...

About 10 days ago, there was quite a story in the news that I'm sure most=

of you had to either read about, or hear on the news. Its one of those =

stories that cause a reaction, no matter what side of the fence you are=

on regarding the actions of a Tennessee woman who shipped her seven-year-=

old adopted son back to his native country, Russia...

She sent this boy on a flight, alone with a note that said, "I no longe=
r
want to parent this child". A man was hired and paid $200.00 to keep=

an eye on him during the flight and took him to the Russian Science and=

Education Ministry building. The young boy was given a full physical and=

taken back to the orphanage...

The thought of this was horrifying when I heard it and I can honestly say=

I'm still unable to come to a clear cut conclusion or judgement of this=

case because the circumstances around this child aren't as "simple" a=
s
labeling the adoptive mother as an "animal" or a heartless woman...=


continued below...

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The young boy was adopted last year from a Siberian orphanage and was
the biological son of an alcoholic mother. He was taken from her when =

he was 6 because of her drinking problem. The woman that adopted
him is a single mother who also has a biological son...

In the note she sent with the boy, it was addressed "to whom it may con=
cern".

She also said, "After giving my best to this child, I am sorry to say t=
hat
for the sake of my family, friends and myself, I no longer wish to parent=

this child. As he is a Russian national, I am returning him to your

guardianship and would like the adoption disannulled."

She claims the child has severe psychological problems that were not
disclosed. She, as well as a group of child psychologists feel the child =

is not only mentally unstable, but a danger to her other child, as well=

as family members...

Joyce Sterkel, director of the Ranch for Kids, a Montana facility that =

caters to troubled Russian adoptees, says she has taken in hundreds of =

Russian adoptees with severe fetal alcohol syndrome and attachment
disorders. She has publicly stated that this mother should not be
demonized because she has seen first hand, the behavorial problems,
that can often times turn violent from these kids with this particular =

problem...

Russian social services said the boy was only "a little stubborn", an=
d
the child is now saying that his adoptive mother was "bad" and "did=
n't
love him" and used to pull his hair. The adoptive mother has agreed to=

meet with law enforcement officials while the investigation is going on=

even though no charges have been filed...

There you have it, the background on this case. There are still stories=

coming out about his violent behavior against others and the attempts
to get help for him by his adoptive mother...

continued below...


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As I said, this one had me going back and forth. I feel for all the
parties involved and which one of us wouldn't have loved to send our
kids SOMEWHERE at sometime during their growing up years? Does this
become a case of adopted vs biological child? I don't think so in
all honesty, but what I DO think this is a case of is adopting a
child from another country and a child that is older without fully
knowing or understanding what exactly you're getting into. I do believe=

this woman was misled in an effort to allow someone to adopt a child that=

had problems and was older...

The agencies in Russia want to ban all adoptions between the U.S. and
Russia not because of this case alone, but because this has happened
more than a few times. Is their outrage warranted if they aren't being =

honest with people genuinely looking to give a child a home and love?

Was this woman right in sending him back? If you had a child in danger =

because of a new arrival would it make a difference? How many movies
have you watched where a child is a "demon seed" that comes into a fa=
mily
and terrorizes all of them? Didn't you find yourself saying, "get rid o=
f
that kid already"!!! If real life mimics a movie, is the advice t=
he same?

I do have feelings on one aspect of this. I realize many people go out =

of the country to adopt because it's "easier" or they can get babies=

sooner than they could in the U.S., but a seven year old? Our orphanages=

are filled with older kids looking for a home...

I don't feel this woman deserves condemnation any more than I blame this=

poor child. They are both victims and the Dept. of Social Services in
Russia did an injustice to both of them by lying. If she had been told =

the truth and then still chose to take the child, then I don't think
I would be as sympathetic to her because it would have been her choice...=


"Tough Love" is a very hard thing to use for any family that has had =
to
"sacrifice" one for the good of other children or the rest of the fam=
ily.
I personally think this woman may have had to make that choice. She did=

what she could to bond with this child, and after a year, it was obvious=

it was never going to happen, and as I mentioned, this child showed some =

very violent behavior...

All of the details still haven't been released, and there may or may not=

be more to this story...

No matter which way you choose to look at this, I think you can all agree=

it is sad, sad for all of the parties involved...

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