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February 24, 2010

Greetings...

Monday's column sure generated the responses regarding the teacher
who is incorporating etiquette lessons with his regular lessons...

From time to time, I like to include comments from "you", which can=

give "you" a glimpse at what others are thinking and saying. Between =

the blogs and email, there were so many comments, only a few can be
included due to space...

I'll be honest, I'm prepared to get some nasty replies to what I have
written. Not a problem, I'm wearing armor...

From the blog...

Dani said..." I wouldn?t care for this in my school unless the girls =

were made to act the same way. It is too sexist?the golden rule is to =

live by, not by if you have breasts or not"?

Me...

I agree that the Golden Rule isn't just for males. In fact, if females =

would behave a little better and "give" by example, there might
be a turnaround in the behavior of males in time. Females sometimes
don't "get it". We "steer the ship" more times than not. "Treat=
others
as you would like to be treated" right? Females need to also remember..=
.

Act like a pig or a sleaze and there's a good chance that's exactly
how you will be treated. If that's OK with you, then party on with
your bad self...

continued below...

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*

A comment in email from a female...

"I don't normally write back, and I doubt you'll even read this, but I =
had to

say something. I teach at a lower income school, where more than %70 of m=
y

students are from single parent families. I know it makes you angry that =


parents don't teach their kids these things, but some parents aren't whit=
e and

middle class (for the record, I am white and somewhat middle class) and d=
on't

have another parent to fall back on.

Their lives are consumed with working hard enough to keep the lights on, =
thank

god the schools can do something about feeding them at least twice a day,=
and

have little or no time to concern themselves with social graces. As a res=
ult,

many of the kids are in effect raising themselves, and yeah, the teachers=


parent when we can with what we've got. Sure, in a perfect world all momm=
ies

could be with their little boys and teach them how to open doors and help=
old

women with their groceries. But this isn't a perfect world, and most of t=
hese

parents are doing the best they can. So don't be mad at them, they have i=
t hard

enough!"

I did answer this reader, but decided to include the email in today's
column with a few additional thoughts on her thoughts...

Sorry, I disagree with this. You are confusing social graces as you
mentioned with simple manners. I also disagree with the racial
background justifying whether or not manners are, or should be
taught. Some white kids are rude, ignorant and disrespectful, some
black kids are rude, ignorant and disrespectful. The same could be
said for Hispanics, or any other ethnic background. While a person
of limited income may not teach their children which fork to use
when dining at the country club, shouldn't all parents teach their
kids to USE a fork and not use their hands to shovel the food in?

I know parents are struggling, stressed, unable to make ends meet,
the divorce rate at 50+%, men that are sperm donors and not fathers,
which leaves many single parent households...

I can't believe this justifies not teaching your children simple manners.=

How long does it take to say please and thank-you to your own kid and
have them learn it by example? If a parent's "job" and goal for their=

children is to ignore the things it takes to help them learn and become=

adults with a portfolio of basics, then these people shouldn't have
kids and more people need to evaluate their lives before harming their =

children and yes, not teaching them is harming them...

If you have a job and aren't taught what you need to know and what is =

expected of you, how successful will you be at that job? Raising kids
is a continuous training course. None of us do it perfect and we are
also in training right there with them. Don't we owe them at least
as much time as we would take to housebreak a dog? Get a stop watch
and time yourself saying "please" and "thank-you". How much time =
did
that take????


And this short email from a female...

"As you aptly said this is a an 'applaudable' story. At least here in A=
sia,

simple etiquette is basic in every home, duly reinforced in schools.
Thank you for articles like this."

Me...

I think most people in foreign countries would be shocked at how kids
in the U.S. talk to their parents, each other, AND the treatment of
older people...


continued below...


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*

An email from a male reader...

"Thank Goodness for this!
I'm surprised no one has charged him with a crime for doing the right =

thing. The feminists seem to prefer girls and women are treated like =

crap because they are equal to men. Makes no sense and they have lost =


tremendous respect from men. I'm 61 and have seen the decline in the =

way women treat themselves, how they treat men, and consequently how
they are treated by men and by each other."

Me...

The feminist movement started out with a battle cry that women
applauded and agreed with. Equal pay for equal jobs. Equal opportunity =

in education for females. How can you argue with this? Women still
haven't caught up with men in most cases even though there are plenty
of women who have become successful and rivaled men in the business
world...

My generation was told to "burn their bras" for equality, freedom, =

yada, yada, yada. The women's movement also had an impact on
those women who were housewives by making them feel guilty for
being one and shyly answering, when asked, "Do you work"? with
"No, I'm a housewife"...

Ask any woman who stays at home taking care of her family how
she likes doing nothing all day since she doesn't "work". The other =

thing the feminists were successful in is making working mothers
feel guilty while trying to keep things together at home because women =

could do it all and have it all. I wonder how grateful women are now
and how jealous they are when a housewife now smiles and says, "I'm jus=
t
a housewife". I realize there are those who would rather be working =

outside of the home and those who would rather be a stay at home mom. =

A better question would be to the children of these moms. Which kid
envies the mom that is home, or the mom that is gone?

The "average" woman got suckered into getting a job at the local
K-Mart for a few bucks an hour, so she could say anything other
than "I'm just a housewife". The added income to that family gave
them the ability to buy, buy, buy, to the point that the women
couldn't quit if they wanted to. They had to rush back to work six
weeks after having a baby because she couldn't afford to stay
home any longer than that because hey, they had two new cars in
the driveway, a new house, gadgets galore and credit card bills
up the wazoo. Don't worry about the kids, they had every toy
imaginable because parents that feel guilty spend lots of money
on their kids. That was then of course, now people can barely pay
their bills, so guilt gifts are out of the question...

I realize I just went off on a tangent, but the point of this is
the price that was paid in all of this, and a price that is being
paid every day. The price has been the family and specifically, the
generations of children that were born as their mothers followed
their dream and pursued their goals outside of the home. Go ahead,
shoot me and tell me that fathers share an equal responsibility in
the decline of the family...

OK, sure they do, but the truth of the matter is...Men have and
always will be "pigs". (sorry guys). Their bad behavior since the
beginning of time may have had an impact on children, but no one
will ever be able to convince me that a woman isn't the cornerstone
of the family and like it or not, gender has played a role in
raising children. Change rules all you want, demand all the equal
rights you want, you can't change the importance of bonding and
nuturing of a female when it comes to children...

Children didn't become "latch-key" kids because their fathers were =

at work. Yes, necessity can and does dictate changes in "rules",
but the fact that children were "let loose" while both parents
were at work and left to their own devices is proof enough given
the behavior of children the last 30 years. Yep, I said 30 years...

From the blog...

"I would be interested, but manners prevent me from actually asking, =

the ages of some of the female responders here. I have always taught
my sons, and daughter the importance of polite behavior in public. I
am always impressed to see a young person, heck these days anybody,
show the slightest bit of polite behavior.

When this type of behavior is taught it will/should almost naturally
effect the behavior towards the elderly. I have found though that some =

women actually get abrasive with men who conduct themselves in such manne=
rs,

what a sorry state of being to be mad at people for behaving gently."=


Me...

The ages of my readers vary immensely, but, if I had to pick an
age group that is either in the majority, or appears to be because
they are the most vocal, I would say 40-80 for the females and
35-65 for the males. Of course there are plenty on both sides of
the numbers, but I have successfuly scared off a certain amount
of teen girls who continuously responded to me with foul mouths, (or
foul fingers?), that they actually kissed their mothers with...

It is a sad day when women react negatively to good manners and only
give creedence to the thought that females have done more to elicit
poor behavior in males by not behaving in ways that made it not only
embarrassing to not have manners, but unacceptable...

Men and females deserve to be treated with manners and respect, how
sad that we don't believe we deserve it anymore and even sadder, that =

we don't want it...

What's wrong with this picture???

Another thought in an email I received didn't agree with males standing=

up everytime a female enters a room. I Have to agree with this 100%.
Aside from some of the standards, the times dictate some behaviors.
I don't know how long ago it was that this practice was common. Since
men no longer wear fancy hats, tipping their hats when passing a female=

wouldn't be one I'd want or demand from a male and certainly wouldn't
think he's less of a gentleman for not tipping his hat. In fact, if
a young male is wearing a baseball hat sideways, please DON'T tip your =

hat, PULL UP YOUR PANTS INSTEAD!!!

Thank you...


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