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Nov. 13, 2009
AFTER-DARK VISITOR NEXT DOOR RAISES NEIGHBOR'S SUSPICIONS
DEAR ABBY: My neighbors, "John" and "Marcia," are such a nice
=
couple, I'm not sure what to do. I don't know them all that
well, but what's going on is extremely upsetting.
On several occasions, I have seen a woman park her car near
my home after dark and walk to the back door of their house.
About an hour later, I see John let her out the front door.
He even has the nerve to kiss her goodbye right on the front
porch! I'm sure he is slipping this tart in for sex -- right
under his wife's nose.
I want to tell Marcia what's going on, but I'm unsure how to
go about it. I have contemplated just going over, knocking
on the door and blurting it out. I have also considered
writing her an anonymous letter. What's the right way to let
someone know that her husband is cheating on her in her own
house while she's there?
-- NOT NOSY, JUST CONCERNED, NEW CUMBERLAND, PA.
DEAR NOT NOSY: I strongly recommend that you mind your own
business and do nothing. If there was any hanky-panky going
on, I seriously doubt that John would be indulging in it
while his wife was in the house -- and kissing his illicit
lover goodbye on their doorstep, yet. The woman may be a
relative -- a sister, cousin or daughter -- so please do not
embarrass yourself.
P.S. When someone is overly preoccupied with the sex life of
a neighbor, it isn't "concern." It IS nosy, so please get a
life.
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DEAR ABBY: I am a 79-year-old recent widow. Shortly after I
was married I had a brief, intense affair with a man at work.
I'll call him "Earl."
Earl's wife, "Lillian," was in her third trimester of preg-
nancy and he was needy. We fell hopelessly in love and our
affair continued after his baby was born. We were happy to-
gether and nothing else seemed to matter.
Somehow Lillian found out and left him. The divorce she said
she'd seek would have solved our problems because I would
have immediately divorced my husband, but it never happened.
She still loved him, and he decided to do the "honorable
thing" and reconcile with her. We swore we would love each
other forever, no matter what.
Earl and Lillian moved to a city 50 miles from here and we
had no further contact. My husband forgave me, and we had a
good life and three children.
A friend kept me informed about Earl -- where he was and what
he was doing. She told me he has spent his life making up to
Lillian for his "indiscretion" and treating her like a queen.
She is now in a nursing home suffering with Alzheimer's. She
no longer knows Earl, but he goes to see her every day.
Would it be wrong of me to get in touch with him to sympath-
ize? I still love him. Perhaps he loves me, too. We are both
old and lonely.
-- HOPING FOR MORE
DEAR HOPING: Please accept my condolences for the loss of
your husband, but offering "sympathy" to Earl right now would
not be a good idea. If your informant is correct, he has not
only spent his life making amends to his wife for the affair,
but he is still in love with her.
It would not be out of line to ask your friend to let Earl
know that you are recently widowed, but don't hold your
breath waiting for him to renew the romance. He has an im-
portant commitment he needs to see through to the end. And
if you love him, you'll let him do it.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting
along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should
Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed en-
velope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to:
Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL
61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.