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May 4, 2010

A RIVAL'S COMPLAINT TRIGGERS FIRING ON WORKER'S FIRST DAY

DEAR ABBY: My wife was hired for an administrative position.
On her first day of work, they called her into the human
resources director's office and told her she was being "let
go" because of her website. The site has photos of her when
she worked as a model for a large department store. They are
in no way provocative or overly revealing. Photos of our
children are also on the site.

The HR director told her that one of the other (internal)
applicants had Googled her and had seen the site. An image
so upset the other applicant that she made a formal com-
plaint, which caused my wife's dismissal!

We consulted a lawyer and contacted the local Equal Employ-
ment Opportunity Commission only to be told that North
Carolina is an "at will" employment state and that the
employer did nothing wrong. We feel their actions were
wrong. Is there anything that can be done?
-- YANKEE IN CONFEDERATE COUNTRY

DEAR YANKEE: I'm sorry, but the answer is no. In most states
there is a presumption of "at will" employment unless you
have a written contract to the contrary. However, the emp-
loyer cannot terminate an employee for an illegal reason --
such as age, religion, gender, sexual orientation or a
disability. It does not appear from your letter that your
wife was terminated for an illegal reason, but what happened
stinks anyway.

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DEAR ABBY: My mother got drunk at a family function and
started a fight with me. I ended up leaving before it could
escalate, but I feel I ruined the host's day. Would it be
appropriate to send an "I'm sorry" note, and how would I
word it?
-- MAKING AMENDS IN TENNESSEE

DEAR MAKING AMENDS: The person making the amends should be
the person who created the scene -- your mother. If you feel
something needs to be said by you, and apparently you do,
then write your host and say, "I feel terrible about what
happened at your party and would like to apologize for my
mother's behavior. I left before she could create a scene,
but I'm afraid it cast a shadow on your day, and for that I
would like to apologize." Sign it with love.

P.S. You'll lead a happier life if you stop feeling that you
have to apologize for your mother's behavior. You are respon-
sible only for your own.


DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been lucky enough to travel
all over the world during our long marriage. Over the years,
we collected lovely items from every location.

Now that we are older, we have decided to move into a smaller
home, and would like to share these lovely souvenirs with our
friends. Although I think "Ellen" would love to have one of
my silk scarves, and "Peter" would appreciate a pair of my
husband's marble bookends, or "Annemarie" would cherish my
necklace from India, etc., I'm unsure that my choices would
be their choices.

Would it be proper for us to ask our friends to choose among
our treasure rather than our making the choice for them?
-- WORLD TRAVELER IN MIAMI BEACH

DEAR WORLD TRAVELER: I commend you for your generosity; how-
ever, you might run into trouble if several of your friends
choose the same item. Were I in your shoes, I would make the
selection for each of them. (Include a note with the gift --
i.e., "Ellen, this scarf matches your eyes," "Annemarie, I
know you love ethnic jewelry," etc.)



For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order
"How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-
addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S.
funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447,
Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the
price.)

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as
Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline
Phillips. Write Dear Abby at
T="_new" class="abbylink">www.DearAbby.com
or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.